Another 20 Ways to Kill Mikami
by Monkey and Cookee
Summary: AU Sequel to 'Ten Ways to Kill Mikami Teru.' LightxL or LxLight, whichever you see. More characters killing Mikami! Only this time, it's 20 one shots for killing Mikami! -M. & C.
1. Misa's Turn!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

Ding Dong

Light sighed and walked over towards the door. He was tired and wanted to relax but obviously, that wouldn't happen any time soon. He opened the door.

"Misa?" She stepped in and closed the door behind her.

"Hi Light!" Misa threw herself on him. "How are you?"

Light stopped himself from groaning. Not Misa of all people!

"I'm fine Misa, how are you?" Light asked, trying his best to sound nice.

"Yay! Misa is happy that Misa's Light is fine!" Misa squealed, not letting go of Light and the death hug she was giving him.

"Yeah…why are you here?" Light asked, carefully pushing Misa away and just getting to the point.

She looked up at him and smiled happily. "Misa just came by to see Misa's Light!"

"That was very nice of you Misa, but I'm really tired today," Light began.

Misa looked like she was about to cry. "Is Light kicking Misa out??"

"No, no, it's just that—"

Ding Dong

Light groaned and went to open the door again. Would people just give him a break?! He opened the door.

"Mikami?" Not Mikami!

"Hi Light." Mikami greeted cheerfully.

Misa glared at the newest arrival. "Light, who is this?"

"Misa, this is Mikami, he's my—"

"Friend. Very close friend." Mikami finished for him.

Light was thankful for his self control right there, or he would've just lashed out on Mikami. How dare he call himself his very close friend?! How could he even call himself his friend?! Light was going to say stalker! Not friend! And besides, Light's only very close friend and only friend was L!

"Friend?? Why is Misa's Light hanging out with weirdos like him??" Misa asked.

_Ooh, stalker fight_, Light thought, amused.

"Weirdo?! At least I'm not a gothic blonde bimbo!" Mikami said.

Misa puffed out her cheeks. "Ugh! You're not only weird, you're mean too!" Misa clung herself to Light's arm. "Stay away from Misa's Light!"

"Your Light?! Light's not your property!" Mikami shot back.

"Guys, guys, as much entertainment as this is, I think you two should go, I don't want any fights here," Light said.

Misa and Mikami glared at each other. Misa looked back at Light.

"Goodbye Light! Have sweet dreams!" Misa gave him one last bear hug and walked towards the door, glaring at Mikami who hadn't even come in yet.

"Goodnight Light," Mikami said.

"Night you two." Light nodded.

His two stalkers left and Light closed the door. He leaned his back against it and sighed in relief. Finally, he could rest.

The phone rang.

"Damn it." Light cursed. Would he ever get a break?!

He answered it. "Hello?"

"…Did I call at a bad time?"

"Oh, L…no, you didn't call at a bad time, I just had an encounter with Misa…"

"I'm sorry."

"And Mikami."

"…I'm really sorry."

Light laughed. "Don't worry about it, I'm just glad they're gone. Will you be coming home soon?"

"I'm on my way as we speak. I'll be there shortly."

Light yawned. "I would wait for you but—"

"I understand Light, you can go to sleep." Man, people sure had a tendency to cut him off.

"Thanks L."

"I'll just find an interesting way to wake you. I did find that one tickle spot you have right behind your—"

"Goodbye. L." Light said quickly and hung up, slightly red in the face. L loved to embarrass him! They weren't even a couple!

…Yet.

And neither Misa nor Mikami could tell he liked L.

_They must be even dumber than I thought, even Matsuda can tell_! Light thought, making his way over to his bed. He climbed in after taking off his shoes and hoped Misa and Mikami wouldn't come at the same time ever again.

Misa and Mikami came to Light and L's house at the same time three more times after that, the last visit resulting in Misa throwing a potted plant at Mikami who dodged it and insulted her. Light only got them out that time by saying he wouldn't talk to them ever again if they didn't leave that moment. They left and continued to argue outside.

Light told L everything since he was never home when they came. L always laughed. Probably at Light but he didn't really care.

"They might end up killing each other," L had said.

Ding Dong

"Here we go again," Light mumbled before opening the door.

"Hi Light!" Misa greeted, as cheerful as always. She looked around and smiled when she saw Mikami wasn't there.

_That's it, if this keeps up, I'm moving. _Light thought.

Misa walked inside after closing the door. "Misa is happy Mikami isn't here!"

"Of course you are," Light muttered.

"What?" Misa asked, not having heard him.

"Nothing." Light smiled. "How about I make us some tea?" _So I could put a sleeping pill in it and make you leave!_

"Ok!"

Ding Dong

"Oh no," Light groaned. He went and opened the door. Mikami.

Misa screamed angrily. "Why do you always come here you weirdo?!"

"God! You're like a banshee! You're so annoying!" Mikami yelled back.

Misa glared at him. "You're one to talk! You're weird, annoying, ugly, a stalker, desperate, an attention whore and stupid!"

Light blinked and hid his laugh. Watching those two argue was very amusing.

"And you're a whore that wants to get into Light's pants!" Mikami glared at the blonde.

Misa was smart enough to notice that today, Mikami was wearing contacts instead of his usual glasses. Misa guessed it was to impress Light or something.

"So you wanna impress Light, huh? Well let's see how impressed he'll be after I'm through with you!" Misa pulled out a nail file. She was so pissed she forgot to talk in third person, Light noticed. She rushed towards Mikami and stabbed him in the eye. Then the other eye.

Mikami screamed in pain.

"Die!!" Misa yelled.

_Go Misa,_ Light inwardly cheered. Hey, he wanted Mikami gone too.

Misa stabbed Mikami everywhere.

"AAHH!!!" Mikami yelled.

STAB!

STAB!

STAB!

Mikami was dead. How, Light wasn't sure but guessed it was due to blood loss.

Misa cleaned off her nail file with Mikami's shirt and put the nail file away. She turned to look at Light with a smile on her face.

"Yay! The weird guy is gone now! Is Misa's Light happy?"

"Sure…" Light said. "How about that tea?"

Misa was out like a log not even halfway through her tea. The sleeping pill Light slipped in there was the strongest out there and only L used them to help out with his insomnia. Light had tried one once by accident and he didn't wake up till two days later. And L said they didn't work!

The door opened. In came L. He looked down at Mikami's dead body and Misa's sleeping body. He looked up at Light.

"Told you."

Light laughed. "She killed him with a nail file."

L shook his head. "Sad when a man gets killed by a nail file. Oh well, we can drop the bodies off later, I know the perfect place."

"I'm not going to ask…" Light sighed. "You do know Misa is still alive, right?"

"So?"

"Oh L."

L smirked. "Save it for the bedroom."

L ducked as a chair came towards his face. "Aggressive today, are we?"

That night, L slept in the living room with the dead body and Misa because not only had Light completely soaked L's entire bed with cold water, he also decided to dump a mountain of ice on it, making it impossible for L to sleep on it.

L hid his laughter as he thought about Light.

"He so likes me."

**Monkey: Ok, I don't care if it's a couple days late, I'll still say it, Happy New Year! XDDD Well here it is, the sequel thing!! Ok, there are some differences between this one and the other one and that is that in this story, I'm going to give some of the other characters a chance at killing Mikami instead of just the Wammy kids. What? I have twenty different ways to experiment on! You guys can give me ideas if you want =3 XD I hope you guys liked this chappie and I hope you guys will like the story too ^-^ By the way, I don't hate Mikami, I just really dislike him =) And it's so easy to put Mikami as a stalker, isn't it? XD Well before I go, there are two more things for me to say, thank you those who read this and this idea is from Artemis Day and rkoalagirl thank you you two! XD **


	2. Daddy to the Rescue!

"Hi Light." L greeted from Light's bed in which he had made himself comfortable in by sitting his unusual position.

Light shrieked in surprise and hit the wall behind him. "Wha-L?! How the hell- Why the hell- crap L!! Get out of my room!"

L smiled. "But I like it here and I want to see Light."

"Well you can see me at school! How did you get into my room?! No, how'd you get into my house?!"

"It was easy really. Were you expecting me?" L said.

"No I wasn't expecting you! Why are you here?"

"I believe I already answered that after you shrieked and stuttered like some little school girl."

Light narrowed his eyes. "I already have Mikami after me, I don't need you too!"

"Then be my boyfriend. That way I won't be after someone I already have."

Light opened the door. "Out."

L got off the bed and walked towards Light. "Fine. I'll leave. But first, a gift."

Light raised a brow. "A gift?"

L gave him a quick kiss on the lips and left, running away like hell. Light was left standing stupid. He blinked out of his shock and yelled,

"Damn it L!"

After a few weeks, Mikami and L got worse. Mikami showed up everywhere Light was, at school and everywhere else Light went outside his house. L had been the only one to actually go to Light's house and the brunette was thankful his parents hadn't been home. Or Sayu.

But Light had found hidden cameras and wiretaps.

"Damn it L!"

------------------

There was a knock at his door. Light sighed and calmly walked out of his room and walked towards the stairs. He opened the door and regretted it.

"Mikami?!"

"Hi Light." Mikami greeted.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you."

_Now why does that sound familiar?_ Light thought, stopping himself from rolling his eyes at his visitor.

"Is there anything in particular you came here for?"

"Will you go out with me?" Mikami asked, getting straight to the point.

Light blinked. He stared at him for three seconds in silence then slammed the door shut in his face.

"Please Light!!" Mikami persisted.

"No!" Light replied from the other side of the door.

"Please!"

"No!"

"Please!"

"No!!"

This kept going for another twenty minutes, until Light's dad's car pulled up and Mikami ran away from there.

Light's parents and Sayu came into the house and looked at him. He looked pissed.

"Are you ok?" Sachiko asked.

"Fine. Just fine." Light made his way towards the stairs. "I'm not feeling well. I'm going to skip dinner. I'll be in my room if you need me." Light sighed and went into his room.

Sachiko looked at Sayu. "Can you…?"

"On it!" Sayu grinned and ran up the stairs as quietly as she could. She tiptoed over to Light's room and found his door was obviously closed. She slowly raised her hand and got ready to knock on the door.

BAM! BAM! BAM! Her fist hit the door.

"Light! Open the door!" Sayu yelled. She smiled.

"Go away!" Light said from inside, also with a smile.

"Open this door or I'm kicking it down!"

"Good luck with that."

"Light!!"

The door opened and the siblings laughed. Every time one of them wants to get into the other's room, they always did that act.

"What's up?" Light asked.

Sayu made her way into his room. "You're not sick. What's really up with you?"

Light closed the door behind him. "I have stalkers."

"I meant something new. You always have stalkers."

"I have male stalkers." Light corrected.

"Anything newer?"

"I have two new stalkers that have been going at it for a long time now and they're driving me insane."

"Do you like them?"

"One of them…"

Sayu squealed happily. "I knew you were gay!" She squealed like a yaoi fan girl again. "Are they cute? Which position would you be in?? Have you already had se—" Light put his hand over her mouth.

"Stop right there. I don't want our parents to hear anything." He removed his hand and she grinned happily.

"So are they cute?"

"…Well they're both weird, but one of them is as smart, if not smarter, than me."

"And they other one?"

"Mikami Teru. Annoying, stupid and ugly." Light deadpanned. Sayu laughed.

"Make sure dad doesn't know or he might put them in jail for stalking. So what's the other guy's name?"

"L." Sayu giggled. "What?"

"That look in your eyes. You totally like him."

Light shrugged. "I guess, but what the hell am I supposed to do with Mikami?"

"Throw him to a pack of junkyard dogs?"

"Sayu."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Kidding. Why don't you just let him down easy?"

Light nodded. "Let's hope he takes it well."

------------------

He didn't take it well.

After Light had agreed to go out with L, Mikami's stalking got worse. Light thought his dad didn't know, but Soichiro had been listening to Sayu and Light talking the other day. He knew his son was being stalked and had decided to do something about it.

Mikami was standing in an alleyway one day across the mall where Light, L and Sayu had gone into.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around.

"Who the hell are you?" Mikami asked.

"You would do better to respect your elders. I am Soichiro Yagami, chief commander of the NPA. You, Mikami Teru, are under arrest for stalking my son." Soichiro flashed him a badge to show that he wasn't lying.

Mikami's jaw dropped. "What?! Why are you getting me when L was stalking him too?!"

"My son is happy with him. I don't care if his…boyfriend… is creepy looking, a pervert and was my son's stalker, if Light's happy with him, I won't stand in the way of that." Soichiro said. Although it was true, part of the reason he can't take L to jail was because Soichiro had no proof. Light and L had gotten rid of all the cameras and wiretaps in Light's room before Soichiro could find them.

"You have no proof." Mikami told him.

"Yes I do. Other than the fact that you just admitted it, I can see you outside my house staring in through the windows you creepy stalker! Don't think I can't see you watching my son shower!!"

Mikami gulped. "You'll never get me alive!!" And he ran away from there.

Soichiro shook his head. "They always want a chase."

He ran after Mikami and followed him through another alley way.

Mikami hit a dead end.

"Ok, you can come willingly or I'm going to have to shoot you." Soichiro stated simply.

"You don't have the guts!" Mikami shouted.

Soichiro rolled his eyes. "I'll shoot you."

"You're not gonna shoot me!"

Soichiro pulled out his gun and looked around. He aimed the gun.

Mikami's eyes widened. "Ahhh!!"

"Pathetic."

"No! Please don't shoot me! I'll stop stalking Light, I swear!" Mikami begged.

Soichiro raised a brow.

"I'll stop following Light everywhere he goes! I'll stop selling magazines filled with pictures of him! I'll stop taking pictures of Light while he's in the shower! I'll stop—"

BANG!

Mikami dropped dead.

"You should've stopped talking," Soichiro said. He shook his head and left the alley way and went home.

--------------

"Hey, I haven't see Mikami around. I wonder what happened to him." Light said as he, L and Sayu hung out in Light's room.

L rolled his eyes. "He's probably just crying like a baby in his house since you're with me."

Sayu laughed. "Possessive."

"Only with things that are mine."

Light rolled his eyes. "Keep it up and I won't be yours."

"You guys are funny." Sayu said. "But yeah, I wonder what happened to Mikami."

"Oh well." Light said. "I don't really care what happened to him as long as he doesn't stalk me anymore."

"You killed who?!" Sachiko exclaimed.

L opened the door to Light's room and listened to Sachiko and Soichiro talk.

They were whispering now so L went down the stairs to hear more while Light and Sayu just looked at each other in confusion.

L came back up the stairs two minutes later.

"Good news," L said. "You no longer have to worry about Mikami."

"Why?" Light asked.

"Your father killed him in an alley today."

"…" Light stared at L in silence. Sayu spoke instead.

"Light, does dad have a gang we don't know about?"

**Monkey: Sorry it's so late!! Finals are crazy here! But yeah, the idea for this chapter goes to Black-Dranzer-1119!! I hope it's ok =) And um yeah, I'll update as soon as I can! Hope you guys liked the chapter =D**


	3. Skydiving Adventure!

"I'm bored." Mello said, opening another king sized chocolate bar. He stared at the ceiling while laying on the couch.

"Play some video games," Matt suggested.

"Play with some darts," Near said.

"No way, those things aren't fun enough." Mello told them.

Matt looked up from his video game and Near stopped himself from throwing the dart in his hands.

"…"

"What I mean is, I wanna do something exciting! Something fun!" Mello said.

"In other words, something incredibly stupid," Near mumbled.

"And something extremely dangerous…" Matt added.

Mello rolled his eyes. "I mean come on, aren't you two bored?"

"Nope."

"Not really."

"Ugh! You two are so lame!"

Near threw the dart and popped a balloon with it on the wall opposite where he was sitting. "Well, what do you want to do?"

Mello took a big bite of his chocolate and thought for a bit. His face lit up in excitement. "I got it!" He ran out of the room.

Matt and Near looked at each other.

"It could be fun," Matt offered.

"Or disastrous."

"…True."

------------------------

"Skydiving?" Light asked. "Absolutely not."

"Aw come on! I'll be careful!" Mello insisted.

"No." Light shook his head. "You three can't go skydiving without parental supervision."

"But what about you and dad??"

"Ryuzaki is in Mexico going after some murderer." Light said. "He's busy."

"What about you?"

"I'm also busy. I'm trying to capture a thief. I've figured everything out so I can catch him today."

Mello frowned. "How come you and dad don't just work together?"

"Because L is needed around the world. I'm needed here, both as my job and to take care of you guys."

Mello looked down. He needed an idea! Mello looked back up at his daddy's eyes. "What if we had a babysitter?"

Light considered the idea. He sighed. "Alright. But I pick the babysitter."

Mello grinned. "Yes!"

Light laughed and shook his head. _Now to see who's capable of taking care of those three on a skydiving adventure…I got it!_

----------------------------

"He said yes?" Near was surprised.

"We need a babysitter?" Matt whined.

"Yeah, but I'm sure we can take care of it!" Mello grinned.

"He's starting to scare me," Near muttered to Matt so Mello wouldn't hear.

"He's just excited," Matt whispered back.

"No one's gonna ruin my day of fun!" Mello exclaimed happily.

---------------------------

"My GOD! He's ruining my day of fun!!" Mello yelled angrily.

Currently, the three of them were in a small jet Ryuzaki let them use.

Light had picked—probably on purpose— the worst babysitter on the planet! He picked some bastard with a stick up his ass named Mikami fucking Teru!

That asshole even gave them rules to follow!

1. No eating on the jet—which meant a pissed off Mello.

2. No video games on the jet—which meant a pissed off Matt.

3. No darts or toys on the jet—which meant an angry Near.

"This asshole must have a death wish!" Mello said.

"For once, I agree," Near nodded.

"So what will we do?" Matt asked.

"Well, what can we sabotage without getting ourselves killed?" Mello wondered.

Near spoke. "His parachute."

"Good idea." The blonde nodded.

Matt looked around. There was a box near him. "I wonder what's in here…" He opened the box.

Oink Oink

"Matt, did you just oink?" Mello raised a brow.

Matt turned around and showed them a live pig…

The three kids stared at the pig.

Mello blinked. "I have an idea."

-----------------------

"Alright you three, if you want to jump out of here, now's the time to do it," Mikami said to them, opening the door to the area where the kids were and walking in, closing the door behind him.

Mello nodded discreetly to Near. That was the albino's signal to put on the cute act.

"Are you gonna jump with us?" Near asked, giving him the kicked puppy look.

"No way." Mikami replied. "I'm not insane. I'm only doing this as a favor to your father. You can go ahead and jump to your deaths, I'll be fine right here."

"But we'll feel safer…" Near said. God, he was really hating Mello right now. His poor pride!

Mikami rolled his eyes. "Annoying ass brats," he mumbled under his breath and thankfully for him, the kids didn't hear him. "Fine whatever."

The four of them got ready.

"Here," Mello said, giving Mikami a parachute and an innocent smile.

Once they had their parachutes on, the four looked at each other.

"So which one of you is jumping first?" Mikami asked, opening the door they would jump out of.

Matt and Near looked at Mello who smirked.

"You are!" He ran up and pushed Mikami out the jet.

"AAAHHHHH!!!!" Mikami yelled in the air.

He pulled the ripcord on his parachute pack thing and expected to be fine.

What he didn't expect was that instead of a parachute, he got a pig.

Oink Oink

"Bye." Near said.

"Later!" Matt yelled.

"See you in Hell!!" Mello waved down.

"AAAHHH!!!"

The three kids watched him fall.

"Well, I'll go tell the pilot to take us home," Near said, knowing they wouldn't jump.

"That was fun." Mello grinned

"So you're not gonna skydive?" Matt asked.

"Hell no. What if I land on the guy?"

Matt laughed.

----------------------

"So how was your day?" Light asked.

"Good." The three kids said.

"Uh-huh. Did you have fun?"

"Yeah," came their simultaneous response.

Light crossed his arms over his chest. "Right. So tell me, did you have fun before or after you pushed Mikami out the jet with a pig parachute?"

The kids stared at Light with wide eyes. Obviously Light would have cameras in the jet! "…Are we in trouble?"

Light laughed. "Nope. I was kinda hoping you'd kill him. He's an annoying stalker pain in the ass."

The kids were in shock.

"What?"

"You wanted us to kill him?" Mello asked.

"Of course. Why do you think Ryuzaki and I let you use one of his jets?"

"So dad was in on it too?" Matt asked.

"Yeah. If you three didn't kill him, Ryuzaki wouldn't sent someone after him eventually." Light grinned at his kids' shocked expressions.

"…So now what?" Near asked.

"Well since you guys didn't get to do it before, want to go skydiving?" Light replied.

The three kids were in disbelief. He blew off a murder like it was nothing! And he was a detective/police officer person!

_Maybe,_ Mello thought, _maybe we'll end up seeing him in Hell too…_

**Monkey: I'm so sorry for my late update! I have no excuses! DX I hope you guys liked the chapter, this idea is from my friend Shelby, and I have no idea what her screenname is on here so I'll just say her name =P Oh! And I know it's late, but still, Happy Valentine's Day! Yeah....sorry for taking about a month to update...I've been doing other stuff...If you liked this chapter, I'm happy. ^-^ If you hated this chapter, flame me all you want XD  
I'll try to update sooner next time! See you guys in the next chapter! **


	4. Sayu's Turn!

**Monkey: Please put down the pitchforks and all other weapons of mass destruction!! I know I haven't updated this story in like forever and I'm so sorry!**

***Dodges all things deadly thrown at her. Catches a cookie some reader threw because they had nothing else with them.***

**Cookee: You're gonna get killed.**

**Monkey: OMG! You're here! Does that mean that you'll write into this story??**

**Cookee: Yeah, eventually. The next chapter will be mine...maybe.**

**Monkey: Sweet! *Dodges more weapons and catches a grenade by accident.* Oh shit.**

**EXPLODE!!**

**Cookee: Well since Monkey's gone, I'll say it. Enjoy the chapter. :)**

* * *

The door opened and slammed shut. A fifteen year old Sayu happily ran down the stairs.

"Hello Light! How are—"

"Not in the mood." Light walked past her and up the stairs, going into his room. He locked it behind him.

Sayu rolled her eyes. She ran back up the stairs and towards her brother's room. She pounded on the door.

"Light!!"

"Go away!"

"Not until you tell me what's got you bitchy like a PMSing girl!"

"…I'm definitely not telling you after that!"

"Come on! You can't be in there forever and I can keep this up for a long time!"

Light paused and rummaged through his stuff. "Damn it! You took all my chips!"

"Well duh! You've been bitchy for days! Without any food in there, I know you'll come out soon!"

Light grew silent. Sayu smirked. She heard him opening something.

The window.

"Oh no you don't!" Sayu said. She backed up from the door and gave it one strong kick, knocking it back off its hinges. Running into the room and over the door, she saw Light was halfway out his window.

"Shit," Light cursed. He was about to jump out when Sayu grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pulled him back into the room. He landed on his butt then quickly stood up. Sayu tackled him to the ground and the two wrestled for a bit. Finally, Light shoved Sayu off. She fell then stood up before her brother could. She kicked him in the chest and kept her foot there.

Sayu grinned. "Now do you wanna tell me what's up, dear brother?" She knew she had won.

Light eyed the three inch stilettos warily. How the hell could she even do all that in those?! That proved it. Sayu was a demon straight out of Hell.

He sighed. "I've got this psycho stalker that's creeping the hell out of me. I'm getting scared that he might get me and rape me or rape and kill me."

"Today you came in a mood worse than before," Sayu pointed out. Normally Light would bitch about something before going to his room.

"He chased me home."

"Who is this fucker?! I'll kill him!"

"I don't know, I've only seen him today and I don't know his name."

Sayu sighed. "Bet now you regret being Mr. Genius Pretty Boy, huh?"

Light rolled his eyes. "Just promise me you won't do anything."

"And wait until this fucker rapes and or kills you? Hell no!"

"Sayu!"

"But—"

"No!"

"Fine!"

"Alright then."

"Yeah, whatever."

A minute of silence passed.

"Sayu?"

"Yeah?"

"Mind getting your foot off my chest?"

"Oh yeah. Sorry 'bout that." She removed her foot.

"It's cool." Light sat back up. "Come on, I'll make us something to eat." He stood up and left his room, ignoring the now busted door.

"Ok." Sayu was kind of glad her dad was away on a business trip and her mom was visiting a relative.

This meant she could mess around and not get in trouble. Light wasn't as scary as he thought he was.

Sayu laughed. She thought about the promise she made. She promised _she_ wouldn't do anything, but she never promised someone _else_ couldn't do something.

She smirked evilly. This was going to be fun.

-------------------------------

Light was getting to know his paranoid side. He was walking to his friend L's house. Every couple minutes, he would look over his shoulder, expecting his stalker to be there. And he probably was but Light couldn't tell. Oh well. He told L if he didn't make it to his house today, the stalker got him. And if he died, he would haunt L. L had laughed until Light said he was serious.

Mikami Teru was having fun stalking—er, following, Light. It made him feel like a giddy schoolgirl. Speaking of schoolgirls, Mikami wondered what Light would look like in a schoolgirl outfit. Mikami squealed in his head. The first time he met Light, two weeks ago, Mikami thought Light was an angel sent from heaven. Or it could've been the angel outfit he had been wearing that day because he lost a bet to his sister, Sayu.

"Yes, you are my angel!" Mikami said to himself. He smiled happily. And he was following Light right now, so it touched him to see that Light was looking for him.

"Yay! When he sees me, he'll proclaim his love for me and we can live happily ever after! Then we can talk about that schoolgirl outfit…" Mikami said. Surprisingly, no one heard him. Apparently, no one was paying attention. Or no one cared really.

Sayu was trying her hardest not to snap in the middle of the street. She was following Mikami who was following Light who had no idea what was going on.

Sayu couldn't believe her brother was this stupid! He's supposed to be a genius! Why the hell couldn't he tell his stalker was right behind him! And the fool was talking to himself too! How can Light not see or hear that?!

But Sayu had promised she wouldn't do anything so she waited. She saw Light turn around and mentally swore for she didn't have a hiding spot, he would definitely see her!

Light looked around then went back to facing forward. Sayu's jaw dropped.

"Are you kidding me?!" Sayu's eyes widened and her hands flew to her mouth.

Light didn't hear a thing and Mikami was too busy stalking Light to notice he himself was being stalked. And the rest of the people on the street didn't seem to give a damn to what was going on.

"Genius my ass," she murmured. She had to wait for the perfect opportunity. Light turned a corner. Mikami wasn't too far behind but he was far enough. Sayu ran up to him and placed a cloth with chloroform on Mikami's face. He struggled for a bit but then passed out.

Then she dragged him into an alleyway. People saw but no one did anything.

Damn, people really don't care anymore.

"Is that him?" a voice asked from the shadows.

"Yes, he's the one." Sayu dumped Mikami's body on the ground.

"I expected someone frightening," said another voice from the shadows.

"Yeah well, a rabid cat would scare the pants off of Light, so having it be this guy is no surprise." Sayu shook her head.

"A rabid cat would scare _you_," another voice pointed out.

"…Look, are we gonna do something or what?" Sayu asked, annoyed with the situation. Seriously, having a 'genius' for a brother should make her life easier. But because he just had to be Mr. Genius _Pretty Boy_, well, things got complicated.

A sixteen year old blonde stepped out of the shadows. Mello. He was followed by a sixteen year old redhead. Matt. And finally, a small fifteen year old albino boy came after them. Near. Including Sayu, they made up a gang. So far, their gang had no name.

They dropped the serious act and grinned. Near played with some robots, for he lost interest in the creepy looking stalker. Mello laughed.

"Ok, first thing's first, we should embarrass the hell out of him while he's unconscious!"

"And do what?" Matt asked, looking back down at his game boy.

"Well, I heard him talking about putting Light in a schoolgirl outfit…" Sayu said. "So maybe women's clothes?"

"Perfect!" Mello exclaimed.

------------------------

Hours later, Mikami awoke. He saw he was in a dark room.

"Where am I? Where's Light?"

"Not here." a female's voice deadpanned.

The dark room suddenly completely lit up. The room was covered in red. Crimson, garnet, maroon, ruby, scarlet, all hues of red were in that room. Red and only red. Mikami wondered what the hell was going on but he figured he'd get his answer soon. He looked down.

"What the hell!!" he yelled. He was wearing a bright red dress that looked hideous on him. But then again, anything and everything looks hideous on him so it's not like this really came as a surprise.

"You're getting this on tape, right?" Mello asked.

"Yup." Sayu nodded.

"Alright then," Mello said. "Release the angry bull!!"

Matt and Near pulled a rope that opened a door into the room Mikami was in. Mello, Matt, Near and Sayu were in another room and were watching through the one way mirror.

From the door came an angry bull.

"Meet Princess." Mello introduced over a microphone so Mikami could hear him. "She hasn't eaten in two days, so she's really hungry."

"Who are you?!"

"Your worst nightmare!!" Mello laughed evilly. Matt went back to his game and Near rolled his eyes and continued playing with his robots. "Go Princess!"

"AHHHHH!!!!!!!"

And soon Mikami was dead. His blood splattered all over the walls but since they were red to begin with, it didn't really matter.

"Thanks you guys!" Sayu grinned, she got ready to leave.

"Not so fast, you have to help us clean up." Matt said. Near nodded.

Sayu frowned. "Aw man…"

--------------------------------

Sayu came home late that night and tried her best to sneak into the house so Light wouldn't catch her. The house was completely dark so she figured Light was asleep.

The lights turned on.

"Damn."

"Where have you been?"

"Hi Light! How's my dear sweet, smart brother doing on this wonderful night?"

"Yeah, nice try, what did you do?"

"Light, your problem is solved!" Sayu exclaimed happily.

"Huh? Problem? You mean Mikami?" Light looked closer. "Are those bloodstains?!"

"Crap." Sayu muttered under her breath. She knew she should've changed her clothes before coming home!"

"Have you been killing again??"

"…No…"

Her phone rang. She picked it up and forgot to take it off speaker.

"Hello?"

"Mikami's body has been successfully buried!!" Mello yelled into the phone.

Light raised a brow. Even the neighbor's could've heard that! He crossed his arms over his chest.

"You were saying?"

"Ehehehe…" Sayu said. "Mello, I'll call you back…"


	5. Matsuda's Got Anger Issues!

**Monkey: I own nothing! Oh, and even though Cookee said she was going to write the next chapter, she didn't so this chapter is, as always, from me! xD**

"Hey, who's the guy Light's talking to?" Matsuda asked L.

"That is Mikami Teru. Your new partner." L stated, watching Mikami carefully while he was talking to _his _Light.

"Partner?? I don't need a partner!" Matsuda whined.

L ate a chocolate covered strawberry. "I expected you to be happy. I guess I was wrong."

Matsuda sighed. "Ok, I'll work with him."

"Actually Matsuda, I never asked you if you wanted to work with him. I was going to make you work with him whether you liked it or not." L deadpanned. He ate another strawberry.

Matsuda looked at his boss. "You're mean."

"…That's coming out of your paycheck."

"What's coming out of my paycheck?!"

"…That too."

Times like this, Matsuda wished Light was his boss.

"L!! You got chocolate on my computer!! I can't believe you!!" Light yelled.

…Or not.

———————

At first, Matsuda thought working with Mikami wouldn't be so bad. Yeah, he was against it from the beginning but he thought that maybe he was wrong.

He wasn't.

He was seriously wanting to shoot Mikami.

In the beginning, it wasn't so bad. Mikami was just really annoying. He was always beating Matsuda in everything, like getting to crime scenes faster even though they were supposed to be a team.

But then things got worse. Mikami purposely made Matsuda look bad. He would put the reports Matsuda had typed up in the wrong places and blame Matsuda which annoyed L and got Matsuda in trouble. He would spill stuff everywhere, making Light angry and Matsuda had to clean everything up since the blame was on him, again.

Matsuda hoped that today wouldn't be so bad.

"Has anyone seen a manila folder with the name Toru Nakamura written on it?" Light asked L and Matsuda in his office that morning.

"Maybe you left it at home," L said, eating some marshmallows.

"No, I didn't take it home."

"Is this what you're looking for?" Mikami asked, entering the room with a manila folder in his hands, the name Toru Nakamura in big font on the front.

Light walked over to him and took the folder. "Yes! Thank you! Where did you find it?"

"It was in the trash in Matsuda's office." Mikami stated.

Until that moment, Matsuda had been dozing off. He hadn't had any sleep for a couple days now and the lack of sleep was catching up with him. He wasn't an insomniac like L.

"Yeah… trash… office… wait, WHAT?! I didn't throw anything away! I don't go near Light's work!" Matsuda defended, jumping off the couch to glare at Mikami.

"Then why was this in your trash?" Mikami asked, smirking. Only Matsuda noticed the smirk. It was like in those movies where there's an evil doll and only the person or people it's trying to get rid of, see its evil moments. But to Matsuda, Mikami looked uglier than the creepy dolls, even Chucky.

Mikami knew this was a fight Matsuda couldn't win. It was his word against the more clumsy officer. Mikami had set things up and he knew the brunette knew. But of course, they would believe him.

"It wasn't!" Matsuda tried.

"Enough you two!" Light ordered, seeing L wasn't going to stop them. Honestly, L found them entertaining since their job was often very boring and nothing interesting ever happened.

And not to mention, Light was scary when angry. And hot.

"Mikami, thank you for finding the folder. Matsuda, I'm disappointed in you. This would be called sabotage, you know I'm meeting with a lawyer who's taking on this case and happens to need this information, and this could get you fired. However, L is your boss so that's under his jurisdiction. But, we're too busy to do that right now, so you're off the hook."

Mikami cursed silently while Matsuda sighed with relief.

"L, I need you to come with me," Light said.

"Where are we going?"

"To the fifth floor. That's where the lawyer is."

"But we're on the thirtieth floor and the elevator is busted." L pointed out.

"It's good exercise," Light argued.

"That's not fair."

"Oh well."

"Besides, I don't need exercise."

"I don't care. Start walking or I'm pushing you down those stairs."

L left the room with the bag of marshmallows in his hands and practically flew down the stairs. L knew from past experience that Light was serious.

After Light left too, only Mikami and Matsuda were left.

"I hate you." Matsuda glared at the geeky-looking brunette.

"Well what a coincidence, I hate you too." Mikami said.

"So then you're doing all this on purpose?!"

"Duh."

"You're gonna get me fired!"

"That's the point."

"Why would you do that?!"

"Because I don't like you. And if you're not there to screw things up, Light can pay more attention to me."

"He's dating L! He's not gonna pay attention to you! He doesn't like you!"

"Not yet he doesn't."

"Not ever!"

"Whatever. I'm still getting you fired."

Matsuda narrowed his eyes. Normally, he was a happy-go-lucky guy, but this guy was just asking for a major ass kicking. He knew that Mikami would have no problem making his life a living Hell.

Unless he wasn't alive.

Matsuda took out his gun and Mikami got scared.

The geek quickly replaced his fear with a smug smirk.

"You don't have the guts." Mikami challenged.

"Wanna bet?" He stepped closer and closer to Mikami who kept stepping back.

"You'll get fired!" Mikami shot.

"Not if they think it was an accident." Matsuda smirked. "See you in Hell."

He shot Mikami.

The bullet went into Mikami's stomach and the force of the impact was strong enough that he went flying back, crashing out the window that was a couple feet behind him and falling from the thirtieth floor. Since he was still alive, he reached around while screaming.

"AHHHHHH!!!!"

He typically happened to grab onto a hornet's nest that was just jutting out there for some reason.

"OH SHIT!!!" he yelled as he was attacked by hornets on his way down.

————————

Light and L saw something fall outside the window of the fifth floor.

"The _hell _was that?" L asked.

Light shrugged. "Dunno." He looked back down at the papers in his hands, bored with the situation.

L thought for a bit. "Man, what the hell are pigeons eating these days??"

————————

"AHHHHH!!!" And that was the last thing Mikami said right before he landed in a wood chipper. His blood and guts flew around everywhere. Meat also flew, covering windows and doors with their yucky Mikaminess. Luckily for Matsuda, not a single person was outside there to watch Mikami's death.

Matsuda stood by the window that had blood around it thanks to the fact that Mikami blood had splattered when he got shot. He had seen everything. "Muahahahahaha!" He cleared his throat. "I mean…aw, poor asshole. He killed himself."

————————

"Where's Mikami?" Light asked when he and L went back to the thirtieth floor.

"He jumped out the window and landed in a wood chipper." Matsuda stated simply.

"So _that's _what we saw falling down the building," Light said.

"Well I wasn't _too _far off. I thought it was pigeon shit." L deadpanned.

Light rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I have some things to do, so I'll see you guys later."

After he left, L looked at Matsuda who was speechless at seeing the minor reaction from Light after he heard of Mikami's death.

"You killed him, huh?" L asked.

Matsuda's jaw dropped. "How'd you know?!"

"Easy. There's blood all over the place and you're still holding your gun. I'm actually amazed by Light's either total obliviousness or sheer stupidity at not noticing anything out of the ordinary."

"…Am I in trouble?"

"Nah. I was gonna kill him anyway."

"He annoyed you too?"

"I could see that he was infatuated with Light, so of course." L shrugged. "Also, I called him pigeon shit. What do you think?"

"True…"

"Come on, let's go get rid of the wood chipper so there's no evidence," L said as he made his way to the door of the office.

"I thought the police was supposed to be watching for evidence, not getting rid of it."

L chuckled. "Oh please, you act like it was someone important."

He left. Matsuda shook his head.

"I guess it's true then, the police everywhere are corrupt."

* * *

**Monkey: I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING SOONER! Other things took my time, as did other fanfics. But truthfully, I'm glad I finally wrote another chappie. I missed it. xD It's fun to say that I missed killing Mikami in funny and ridiculous ways xD Thank you to _Have U ever been Mello I have _and _Artemis Day_ for suggesting Matsuda kill the annoying fucker and how to do it! xD I hope you guys liked the chappie! **


	6. Matt's Driving Lesson

**Monkey: I own nothing!**

* * *

"I don't get why you're the one to teach me to drive," Matt stared at Mello who was calmly eating chocolate in the passenger's seat of his car. "And why are you here?" Matt looked back at Near in the backseat who was playing with some robots.

"I'm teaching you to drive because no one else wanted to." Mello replied. "And he's here because he had nothing better to do. Now shut up and start the car."

Matt looked around the area they were at. It seemed deserted enough. "Are you sure this place is safe?"

"Should be. 'Sides, no one but an idiot would come out here at night. Now shut the hell up and start the damn car."

Matt did so. He was doing pretty well. "Hey, I'm doing it. I guess playing all those racing video games finally paid off."

"Yeah yeah, keep your eyes on the road." Mello pulled out another chocolate bar.

After a bit, Mello decided to try something else.

"Ok, stop." the blonde ordered.

Matt stopped the car. Mello pulled something out of his pocket.

"A blindfold?" Matt raised a brow.

"No, it's a sock." Mello rolled his eyes. "Yes Matt, it's a blindfold! Put it on."

Matt carefully put it on. "You don't seriously expect me to drive like this, do you?"

"Yes I do. Now drive!" Mello cackled happily.

Near stared at him, speaking for the first time since entering the car. "Hm. Always knew you had suicidal tendencies."

Mello gave him the finger and looked at Matt. "Drive or you'll never see your PSP again!"

Matt slammed his foot down on the gas.

"Woohoo!!" Mello grinned. Matt driving like a maniac while blindfolded was so much fun!

"Good thing I left you nothing in my will," Near said to Mello.

"You have nothing but toys!" Mello countered.

"Some toys worth millions. You could've had those to buy endless supplies of chocolate," Near shot simply.

Mello narrowed his eyes. "Bastard."

"Probably."

Matt moved the steering wheel wildly. "Um… will you guys tell me if I'm gonna hit something?"

Mello and Near ignored him and continued arguing.

"Guys?"

A scream was heard and Matt hit something. "Whoa!"

By the time Mello and Near looked up, whatever they hit was behind the car. Matt sped forward.

"Matt, stop!" Mello ordered. "Don't remove the blindfold." He said when he saw Matt beginning to lift if up. Hesitantly, Matt stopped.

Mello and Near look back.

"You ran someone over," Near said, as calm as always.

"Dude, I think you killed him." Mello said.

"What?!" In panic, Matt stepped on the gas and moved the gears to reverse.

They sped over something that felt like an uneven speed bump.

"You ran him over twice." Mello corrected.

"Now you killed him." Near stated.

Mello got out of the car. "Dudes, I know this guy!"

Near thought for a bit. "So do we."

Mello nodded. "His name was Mi…?"

"Mikami," Near finished.

"I knew that!" Mello looked at the now dead Mikami. "I told you only an idiot would come out here."

"For once you were right."

"Guys! I just killed someone because I was driving fucking blindfolded!" Matt freaked out.

"So?" the other two asked.

"'So?' What do you mean so?! I'm gonna go to jail! I'll rot in prison! And worse yet, they don't have video games there!"

Mello rolled his eyes while Near shook his head.

"Well, we should hide the body before Light and L find out or they'll skin us alive." Mello said.

"Good idea. Let's shove him in the trunk." Near told them.

Matt's jaw dropped. "You're all crazy!"

"You're the one driving blindfolded." they shot.

"…"

"Let's dig a ditch and bury him in it," Mello proposed.

"Let's throw him in the sewers," Near offered.

"Ditch."

"Sewers."

"Ditch!"

"Sewers."

In the end, they chopped Mikami in half with a chainsaw Mello pulled out of no where and half of him went into a ditch they made while the other half went into the sewers.

They went back to their house shortly after.

"How was the driving lesson?" L asked while he ate a strawberry shortcake.

"It was good…" the three said.

"Did you guys hit anything?" Light asked them.

"…No…"

L walked over to the window and saw the car parked outside. "I see bloodstains."

"You can prove nothing!" And the three ran upstairs.

Light and L walked outside to the car.

Light looked inside. "Is that a blindfold?"

* * *

**Monkey: Ok so, hope you liked. Anyway, both Cookee and I will be updating chappies into this story soon. Yeah, I can't believe Cookee decided to write something for this story either xD**

Cookee: Well I already put up a story in our account—

**Monkey: Finally!**

Cookee:—So it's not like this should come as such a big shock to you.

**Monkey: Me and Chocolat, we were both shocked when I saw that you put stuff up in our account.**

Cookee: And why are we talking about this here?

**Monkey: ... See you later everybody!**


	7. Birthday Party Crash

**Monkey: I own nothing!**

"You're getting old," L pointed out.

"Shut up." Light said. "Besides, you're older than me, you hypocrite!"

"Not true. I've stopped aging after thirty," L said. "When you were twenty-five, I was thirty. When you are thirty, I will still be thirty. And when you're forty, well, you'll see why I stayed thirty."

Light rolled his eyes. "And I thought I was supposed to be the narcissist. Anyway, I'm turning twenty-seven, I'm still young."

"Whatever you say, grandpa." L left to the kitchen and Light was left alone in the living room.

Honestly, sometimes Light just wanted to lock L in a cage full of fruits and vegetables. But L wasn't always annoying. He only got like that when…

Light shivered.

Whenever Mikami showed up.

'Uh-oh.'

"Daddy!!" came a loud yell.

"Good morning," Light said to his three adopted kids, Matt, Mello and Near.

"Happy birthday!" the preteens tackled him down with a hug.

Light laughed. "Thanks guys."

"Is there gonna be a party?" Matt asked.

Light nodded. "Later though."

"Sweet! I call food!" Mello said.

"I call decorations!" Matt chirped.

"I'll invite everybody," Near said.

"Go for it," Light nodded.

And the three got to work.

~Four hours later…~

The party was awesome. Friends, family members and coworkers showed up.

Mello was currently playing with the lights display while Matt was pigging out. Near simply stayed with Light, both chatting and having a good time.

L walked by them. "You will die in seven days."

Near tilted his head to the side. Usually Mello (and a pissy Light) said those things, not L.

Light looked around. The more annoying L got, the closer Mikami was to them.

Ding Dong

Light's eyes widened.

"I'll get it!" Matt said, running towards the door.

"Noo!" Light exclaimed too late.

Matt opened the door and looked back at Light. "Hm?"

The birthday boy ran away. Matt looked back at the door. "…Hello."

Mikami smiled. "Hi."

Mello popped up behind Matt. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Mikami Teru."

"Dad! Daddy! Some weird guy's at the door!" Matt and Mello chorused.

L walked passed them, not even glancing in their direction. "Not my fault, not my problem." And he went into the kitchen.

"Hi Mikami…" Light greeted sadly, knowing that he couldn't leave his kids alone with this guy. He rolled his eyes at L's retreating form.

"Happy birthday."

"How'd you know it was my birthday?"

Mikami chuckled. "I know a lot about you."

Light blinked. Creepy. "…Ok."

Mikami just smiled.

"Do you wanna come in?" Light asked, mentally kicking himself for that.

Mello and Matt stared at each other. Who was this guy?

Since Near was in charge of the guest list, the two decided to go to him.

"I didn't invite him." Near stated when they stopped in front of him. "I don't know anything more about him than you do."

They looked over and saw Light talking Mikami. Light looked a little stressed out and seemed like he wanted to run away at any given moment.

"I don't like him," Mello said.

"He makes Daddy uncomfortable." Near observed.

"There's only one person who could know something about that guy besides Daddy."

The three kids looked at the kitchen.

"Dad!"

"I didn't do it, it was Light, I swear." L said before popping a cookie into his mouth after hearing his kids calling him.

"Dad, who is Mikami Teru?" Mello asked when they entered the kitchen.

"Your father's s—never mind." L looked outside into the living room and saw Light and Mikami together. The cookie he was holding broke in half when he saw them. "Just so you know, Mikami's a jackass."

"Ok." Mello nodded. "Let's go you guys!" And he began to shove his brothers out of the kitchen.

Matt and Near looked at the blonde. "Go where?"

Mello smirked. "Go cause some hell!"

----------------------

"Hey! Who wants to play pin the tail on the jackass?!" Mello yelled to the guests. Matt and Near stepped forward, knowing they wouldn't have a choice with Mello involved.

Light looked a little curious and L just looked bored with everything but his chocolate cake.

"Don't you mean pin the tail on the donkey?" Matt asked.

"Nope." Mello grinned and gave them both donkey tails with four inch needles on the end. He passed them out to the others who also wanted to play.

"So where do we pin this to?" Near asked, looking around. He didn't see a poster of a donkey anywhere.

"And don't we need blindfolds?" the red head asked.

"Not this time." Mello stood up on a chair. "And the jackass is… Mikami! The loser with the black hair and glasses!! Everyone go pin the needles on him!!"

Mikami paled when a mob of people ran towards him. Light laughed as he watched him run away screaming.

~Half an hour later…~

Only Near had been able to pin the needle on Mikami since he threw his like a dart. He got him in the ass too.

After a while, people got bored so Mello came up with another game.

"Ok Mikami, come here!" Mello ordered.

He would've said no, but he would do anything for Light and that meant having to listen to his demon children.

"This is crazy," Matt whispered to the albino. They were sitting on the couch behind Mello.

"Have you ever known Mello for being sane?"

"…Right. Well, at least Daddy's having fun."

Mikami walked over to Mello. "What?"

"Pick a box." Mello pointed to the two boxes beside him on the table. "One has nothing. The other has something. If you pick right, you can keep what you win."

"Ok." Mikami pointed to the box on the right. "That one."

Mello grinned evilly and lifted up a box to reveal…a piece of rope.

"Huh?" Mikami raised a brow.

"Congratulations!! You've won!" Mello grabbed the rope. "Now I get to…release the rabid dogs!"

And he pulled the rope.

"What the—?!" was all Mikami managed to say before running for his life, a mob of rabid dogs that appeared out of a trap door on the ground that he could've sworn wasn't there before, right on his heels.

Light had a good time during all the hells the three put Mikami up to.

Mikami wasn't having such a good time but because it was Light's birthday, he was hell bent on staying.

Maybe Mello was able to change his mind.

"I got another idea." the blonde said.

"Of course." Near said. "Ideas are something you never run out of."

"So what is it?" Matt looked back at L who was sitting with Light. He couldn't hear them, but he figured they were getting along again.

-----------------

"Have you ever noticed that you're just like a girl?" L asked.

"What??" Light looked shocked.

"Yep. The only thing that shows you're a man is your—"

"Ok. I got it. Sheesh."

"Light's so girly, Light's so girly." L sang. Light glared at L.

------------------

'Yeah,' Matt thought, 'they're getting along great.'

"It's time to cut the cake!" Mello yelled.

So the cake cutting began. Mello and Matt took Mikami's slice of cake while Near distracted said weirdo.

"What is this stuff?" Matt asked, watching Mello put things into the thick slice.

"Just wait."

When they finished, they put the plate back and ran away, dragging Near with them.

"Ok… 3... 2... 1..." Mello counted down.

Mikami took a bite out of the cake.

EXPLODE!!!

Everyone saw Mikami's head get blown off.

"My living room! No! Blood stains are horrible to get rid of!" Light whined.

L blinked. "Well, now that he's gone, I'm finally back to normal. By the way, excellent cake."

Light, still a little miffed about the girl comment, looked at L. "Normal my ass."

"So does this mean we're going to a funeral?" Near asked.

"Nah, I say we blow up the rest of him so we'll have nothing to bury," Mello proposed.

"…Fine, but you're cleaning up after." Light said.

"I'll get some explosives!" L said happily.

Light blinked. "Oh yeah. Normal."

* * *

**Monkey: Well hope you liked it ^^ And thank you .reality for the idea! Hope the chappie was to your liking ^^ Oh! The next chappie will be the first time Cookee will write into this story =D**

Cookee: And last.

**Monkey: ... What?? No way! You have to write more! D=**

Cookee: Nope. It's bad enough we're gonna be writing a—

**Monkey: Shush! You'll give it away! Dx**

Cookee: ... ¬¬

**Monkey: See you later everybody! ^^;**


	8. Monkey's Revenge

**Cookee: I don't own Death Note.**

**---**

The large widescreen television glowed brightly in the dark bedroom of Mikami Teru. Showing on the screen was of a newsanchor and a picture of a rough looking woman on the upper right corner of the screen. She reviewed the topic as being the "Top 10 Most Wanted Criminals in the World." This title alone caught Mikami's attention. He lifted his head from the screen ever so lightly.

The woman continued the report as if she were simply reading off a screen. "This woman has killed many people. So many people, that the number has yet to be figured out. She's on the run and has ties to every underground mafia group or gang group. She goes by the name of Sarumi Taiko. From this we take the Japanese word 'saru' which means Monkey. Her signature is in fact a Monkey. All her victims are left dead with a single paper with a monkey saying, 'Don't mess with monkeys! AHAHAHA!!' If you see this woman, please do not hesitate to contact this number..."

"...Sarumi... Taiko..." Mikami mumbled as he wrote down the criminal's name with a clear picture in his head. And with that, he was through.

---

Mikami woke up in a cold sweat. His breathing was uneven and exaggerated. His heart was racing a mile a minute and nothing seemed to be able to stop it. He placed a palm to his chest in hopes of calming himself down. Breathe in. Breathe out. He repeated this practice for a good five minutes before getting jumping out of his skin at the sound of his alarm clock. His heart raced again, but it was much easier to slow it down.

It was exactly five in the morning. The same hour that he got up every morning everyday since he graduated from high school. It's just that this morning seemed to differ from others. It was not just because he awoke with a fright, no, but because of the dark shadow hanging above him that he spotted in the mirror directly across from his bed. Mikami couldn't move, could hardly breathe and when he blinked, it didn't disappear.

He crawled out of his bed, hoping to Kira that what he's seeing isn't real. He lost the image of himself in the mirror as his feet reached the ground. He approached the mirror and breathed a sigh of relief that there was nothing there. Mikami opened the curtains to his room and headed for the bathroom. Little did he know, that the shadow simply turned into his reflection which in fact had not left the mirror from where he stood.

---

CRASH!!!

Mikami choked on his cup of coffee, nearly burning himself and headed upstairs towards his room where the sound had come from. His mirror had fallen to the ground. Normally the pieces would fall into random, scattered places right? Well not this one. The pieces were in the form of a banana, but that could hardly be recognizable. But the pieces of mirror was angled in such a way that if looked at right, a monkey could be seen.

He shook his head and cleaned it up. "I'm just paranoid."

He headed outside, somewhat shaken. "Paranoid, paranoid. I'm just paranoid." Mikami got into his car, but before he properly placed the key into its slot, it turned on by itself. The car recklessly sped out of the driveway and onto the road at speeds that were already illegal. It swerved and droved past cars, kids and old ladies. Mikami at this point was beyond freaked out. He was gripping the handle at the side and the armrest as if his life depended on it, and truthfully, it did. Since this is Mikami that we're talking about, he didn't scream nor did he cry, he simply held on for dear life.

The car made an immediate left, nearly knocking Mikami into the passenger seat. It increased speed as if it were on nitro and headed straight for... a 50 story building and had no intentions of stopping anytime soon.

"I'm paranoid. I'm just paranoid. This isn't real. I'm not going to die." Mikami tried to convince himself. He neared closer to the building... "OH GOD I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!" He tried desperately to open the door by its handle, but clearly that wasn't going to work. Instead, he punched through the window and jumped out just moments before the machine made contact with glass and metal.

As he got up from the ground, he could faintly hear someone cursing angrily, but only he seemed to hear it.

"Wh-What the hell is this?! Some kind of sick joke?!" Mikami exclaimed in exasperation as he bumbled his way through the forming crowd.

"No, it's actually a fanfic called 'Another 20 Ways to Kill Mikami!'" A happy voice chimed in response.

Mikami whipped around, not really expecting an answer. He didn't see anyone, but he could hear them. "What are you talking about?!"

"Oh nothing, nevermind. I'm just here to make the rest of your life a living hell! Wanna know why? I bet you wanna know why. It's because you killed me, and there's absolutely no way I'm going down without taking someone down with me. So I'm going to take you. Isn't that great?" The voice replied as if there was nothing wrong in what they were saying.

"I killed a lot of people," Mikami responded. "But the only ones that I killed are criminals. What I do is for justice!"

"Justice my ass! When all is said and done, you're nothing but a murder too except you're worse! You don't have a hint of remorse for what you did! So tell me who's worse. You, or me?" In front of Mikami appeared a young woman, probably in her early 20's. She had brown hair that was hanging loosely about her shoulders and eyes darker than black. With her arms crossed, you could clearly see a tattoo of a cute little monkey on her arm.

"You are... Sarumi Taiko. The most wanted criminal in the whole world! I did the world a favor by getting rid of you!" Mikami argued.

"Hey I only killed people if they mess with my friends! Those people just happened to be high class people with a lot of friends!" Monkey replied. "And dont call me Sarumi Taiko. It sounds like a good girl name. Just call me Monkey." She laughed as Mikami's expression turned to that of one with grief. "Aw what's wrong? Regretting that you killed me or do you think you're going insane?"

"The latter. I'm defintely insane. I can't see ghosts." He rubbed his temples, trying to get rid of the growing pain on the side of his head. Oh no wait, he can't help it anymore since Monkey was now pulling on his hair. "Stop pulling my hair damn it!"

"But it's so long! You look like a girl dude, seriously. Cut your hair. Oh, I know! I'll do it for you!" As soon as she said this, a huge pair of scissors appeared on Monkey's hands. "Hold still or else I might cut your head off instead!" She exclaimed cheerfully. "Ready? Okay!"

"What? No! Wait!" Mikami stammered as he raised his hands up in defense. "I'm not insane! YOU ARE!!!" The poor guy ran across the street as fast as he could, just as long as he could get rid of the maniacal ghost... er... monkey chasing him around.

"Really? Why, thank you! I take pride in hearing that!" Monkey called after him, not at all phased by his insult. "Now come on, I won't hurt you! I promise! Well... no, sorry I can't promise anything... But don't worry! I'll make sure to reccomend your soul to the devil!!"

"I can't die yet you crazy monkey!!" Mikami ran through the streets rapidly, knowing full well that the people around him only saw a crazy guy in a suit running like an idiot without anything to run away from. "She's turning me into an embarrassment what the hell!" He cursed as he ran across an empty street. He stopped halfway through the street to look over his shoulder. No more Monkey. He sighed and tried to breath normally again.

At that moment, Mikami heard the sound of a hundred monkeys and a horn blare through his ears. He looked up from his tired state to see a huge truck carrying monkeys head straight for him. He couldn't move, but he wasn't scared.

"I'm not letting you run away! You killed me so it's only fair for me to kill you, right?" Monkey grinned. "Or at least my monkey friends can anyway." She hold onto him firmly so he couldn't move from where he stood.

And as the truck neared, all he could say was, "I _hate_ monkeys."

---

Monkey was standing beside a doorway in an old style brick building. "Hey, yo Girl-man!" She waved to Mikami as his soul came into view. "I told you I wouldn't go down alone." She laughed as he stormed past her and into the building. "Oh come on, no hard feelings okay? Hey!! IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT FOR NOT KNOWING HOW TO TREAT A LADY!" She huffed in fake anger.

"YOU'RE NOT A LADY!!! YOU'RE A MONKEY! A MONKEY!!" He yelled after her. "I can't believe I still have to deal with this even after I'm already dead!"

---

**Cookee: Y'know I was going to make it so that you wouldn't appear until the very end. I was going to have you laugh insanely and say 'Hey remember me?! Yeah, I'm Monkey. Nice to meet you.... NOW WHAT!?!? THINK YOU CAN KILL ME WITHOUT A CONSEQUENCE? THINK AGAIN! HAH!!' But I think this turned out better, yeah? :) Anyway, you guys can see my writing style differs a lot from Monkey's.**

Monkey: ...You put me into the story...

**Cookee: Yeah.**

Monkey: ...Why did you put me into the story?

**Cookee: It's all I could come up with. 'Sides, I like it xD**

Monkey: ...But why am I in the story??

**Cookee: ...Get over it. ¬¬**

Monkey: xD Well it works, but you made this more canon than I tend to. But I liked it. :D

**Cookee: Yeah well, this is the last time I'm writing for this fic. -.-**

Monkey: What?! o.o

**Cookee: Yep. See you later everybody!**


	9. Watch Out for the Sniper!

**Monkey: Wow! It's been a while since I've updated! Sorry for the long wait you guys! Hope you like the chappie! Happy Halloween!! **

**And I own nothing!!**

* * *

"L, has something been occupying your thoughts lately?" Watari asked, holding up a tray of cookies next to the raven. "Or rather, someone?"

"… No." L replied, taking a cookie off the tray. He didn't take his eyes off his laptop screen.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, why?"

Watari hesitated. "You seem distracted."

L looked at him. "Distracted? How?"

"Well for one, you've fallen asleep every day this week. For another, you're looking at emails from someone named Light instead of using your time to catch a criminal."

L put on a 'busted' face. "I will get back to work soon, let me just reply to this email first."

Watari sighed and left the room. Maybe L was just in love. There was really nothing wrong with that. Now, was there something wrong with the guy L was in love with?

When he got to his room, he got on his computer. "Time to do a little research."

He looked at everything they had on Light Yagami. Light seemed like the perfect guy for L. At least the detective chose right, and chose someone that seemed like he would give L a run for his money. Not literally of course.

There was a link on Light's profile leading tom some Mikami Teru.

Slightly curious, Watari clicked on it.

'STALKER!!!!!!' jumped out at Watari in size 72 font, bolded, underlined and flashing.

Watari blinked. Interesting,

"Well, as long as it doesn't interfere with L's work…" Watari said.

~Two Weeks Later~

"L, a voodoo doll of Mikami won't help with your jealousy," Watari told him.

L stopped in mid needle stab. "I am not jealous."

"Said the man with the voodoo doll." Watari mumbled.

L's phone rang and L immediately picked it up. "Light?"

"Ehm, hi Ryuzaki. I know you told me not to call you unless it was an emergency but—"

"It's fine. Are you alright? Did something happen? Is it Mikami?" L asked, surprising Watari.

"Kinda, kinda and yes."

L pounded on the desk. "What did he do now?"

Watari watched the detective, amused. He had never seen L show so much emotion before with something that wasn't sweets.

"Ah, nothing really. He just drugged me and I woke up in his room, oh and did I mention that I'm handcuffed to a stripper's pole in here? I think that's important to say."

"I will be right there."

"But wait, you don't even know where Mikami lives."

L looked at Watari. "I have my sources. I will be there shortly."

He hung up and got out of his chair. "Watari, I will be using the helicopter. Do not try to stop me."

Watari nodded. "Have fun."

---

If L's jealousy was getting out of hand before, it definitely was now.

Watari looked around the detective's room, which had pictures of Mikami on his walls with daggers all over the raven's face, and other places.

"L, don't you think this is getting a little bit out of hand?"

"… No."

"I'm usually against this, but why don't you just kill him?"

"I cannot kill him, no matter how much he is asking for it by stalking Light."

"I thought Light was your boyfriend?"

"He is."

"Then why is Mikami such a problem?"

"He is persistent."

"Like you?"

L didn't answer him. Instead he said, "Watari, could you get me some strawberry shortcake? I'm in the mood for it."

Watari nodded. "Right away, L."

---

Watari sighed as he rode in the back of the helicopter, a sniper gun in his hands. If L didn't want to kill Mikami, he would, just so L could be focused again.

Watari's cell phone rang. "Yes L?"

"Watari, where are you?"

"Getting you cake, why? Did you change your mind on the cake?"

"No, but I sent you out for cake an hour ago. I know from past experience that it does not take you this long for mere cake."

Watari scanned the streets. "… There's a long line?"

"I know that is a lie because I am fully aware there was strawberry shortcake in the refrigerator, meaning you should not have gone out to buy some."

"And how are you so sure of that?"

"Because I just went down there and ate it."

"… Then why are you calling me for more?"

"It is strawberry shortcake, Watari. One can never have enough of that."

"Right. I'll be there in a bit." He hung up.

Found him.

Watari aimed at the raven chasing Light at the moment.

"Light please! I love you! I really do! Dump that worthless boyfriend of yours and go out with me!!" Mikami announced, getting down on one knee.

Light sighed. "Mikami, I don't like you. Get it through your thick head already! I have Ryuzaki! I will never correspond your feelings for me! Leave me alone!!"

Watari shook his head. He kind of felt sorry for Light, he seemed to be the only normal guy amongst the three of them. L was pushing it, Mikami was creepy and Light was… Light it seemed.

Watari waited until Light had left Mikami to aim the weapon.

He fired.

Mikami's dead body fell to the floor with a bullet through his head.

"Job well done," Watari said to himself. He looked at the driver. "Turn back now."

"Yes sir."

And now it was time to go back to L.

---

"Watari, where have you been?" L asked the second the door to his room opened.

The older man came in with a pink box in his hands, a box of strawberry shortcake no doubt.

"I've been around," Watari answered vaguely.

"I see. Light called me."

"Did he now?"

"Yes. He said that Mikami had been following him around again, proclaiming his love for him as usual."

"I take it this is a normal occurrence?" Watari asked, setting the box of cake down next to L, and opening it. He handed L a fork.

"Yes. But he told me he left Mikami and he didn't follow. When Light went back to the park he had been in to see if he had dropped something, he saw Mikami's dead body with a hole through his head."

"Oh my. And how did Light take it?"

"He is fine. Happy even. Now I have to ask," L spun around in his chair to face the older man. "Why did you kill him and not take me with you?"

"Forgive me L, but I got you something to recompense."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

Watari pulled out his cell phone. "Bring it in, boys."

The door to L's room opened and hundreds of boxes of strawberry shortcake were brought in by lots of delivery guys.

L stared at the immense amount of cake. "Can Light come?"

"Sure."

L called up the younger man with a small smile.

"So am I forgiven for not having brought you along to kill your boyfriend's stalker?"

"Yes. Yes you are."

* * *

**Monkey: Kinda on the short side, sorry everybody! And thank you Black-Dranzer-1119 for the idea! I hope it was to your liking! x3**

Cookee: Are we ever going to finish this story?

**Monkey: Eventually. Why? Got an idea?**

Cookee: I think so.

**Monkey: Ooh, do tell.**

Cookee: Later, I'm going to go now. Bye.

**Monkey: See you later everybody!!**


	10. Magic Trick

**Monkey: I own nothing!**

* * *

"Detention?! I can't get detention! My dads'll kill me!" Mello protested angrily.

"Well then maybe you shouldn't light textbooks on fire." Teru-sensei said. He picked up a half-burnt textbook. "Be glad detention is all you're getting."

Mello frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. He mumbled under his breath.

Matt and Near shook their heads. If it wasn't one thing with Mello, it was another.

"Dad won't be happy," Matt told the seething blonde.

"Forget Dad, Daddy will kill me!" Mello whined. "Why don't you two ever get in trouble?"

"Because we don't go around planning how to ruin Teru-sensei's life every day and burn his textbooks." Near said.

Mello rolled his eyes. "Whatever. All I know is, I'm doomed when I get home."

---

"You did _what_?" Light asked.

"He has it out for me, I swear!" Mello exclaimed.

"That's what you said about the ice cream man," Light shook his head.

"Don't forget the candy store owner," L added.

"And the mailman," Matt said.

"And the principal," Near inputted.

"Ok, so maybe all of them weren't against me, but the candy store owner was! He wouldn't give me any chocolate!"

"With good reason! You threatened to blow his store up if he didn't give you the twenty pound chocolate bar he kept in a case!" Light said. He sighed. "Why can't you get along with your teacher? I'm sure he's not out to get you."

"Drama queen." Near murmured. Matt laughed. Mello glared at him.

"What'd you say?!"

Light covered Near's mouth. "No more provoking your brother. All three, homework, now. And Mello, one more detention and that'll mean no more chocolate for a month. For the mean time, no chocolate for three days, understand?"

Mello frowned and nodded.

When Light and L left the room, Mello started laughing evilly.

Matt looked at Near. "He's finally cracked."

"I think he cracked a long time ago," Near replied.

"I haven't cracked at all! But Teru-sensei will pay, damn it. He will _pay_!"

---

"M-Mello the Mafianificent?" Teru-sensei echoed.

Mello nodded firmly.

The class stared curiously at the blonde with the magician's getup.

Near shook his head. "Really, you'd think being without chocolate would lessen the amount of crazy ideas he gets, not encourage them."

Matt played his DS happily under the desk. "You forget, it is Mello that we're talking about here."

Mello stared at the teacher. "If you would let me, I'd like to perform some magic tricks."

"Why? I would've thought you'd still be angry at me for giving you detention yesterday."

Mello's eye twitched but he hid it well. He gave a huge grin. "Th-thanks to your detention, I have now realized that I shouldn't be acting up in class, and that I need to show you respect, you being the teacher and all."

Matt snorted in the background. "Hahaha! Ah damn, I died." He continued laughing.

Near threw a dart by Teru-sensei's head who didn't even notice the thing. He shook his head. "Ignorant and gullible. He was doomed the second Mello stepped into this room."

Mello performed a couple of tricks. Those including making a cake appear out of his hat, a levitating ball and a couple of card tricks.

Matt and Near stared at the blonde.

"Who would've thought he'd turn out to be a magician?" Matt asked.

Near sighed. "I don't think he is one, Matt, I think he simply learned those few tricks to be able to get Teru-sensei's attention for the grand finale."

Matt raised a brow. "Grand finale?"

"Think a little, Matt, what would Mello accomplish out of all this if this was merely a form of entertainment? Obviously, he's got something bigger planned for the ending."

Matt went back to playing his DS. "You know, every time you get all analytical on us, you make me think that Dad and Daddy really are your parents."

Near twirled a bit of his hair around and shrugged. "Take it how you will, it's just an observation."

Mello pulled out one of those boxes magicians use when they saw people in half.

"For my next trick, I need a volunteer!" Mello announced.

Matt raised Near's hand. Near glared at him and Matt released his hand, laughing sheepishly.

Mello looked around. No one else in the class had their hands up; no one seemed to trust him with their bodies and a saw.

Not that he blamed them really

"Oh Teru-sensei!" Mello called. "I'm so happy you volunteered!"

Teru-sensei raised a brow. "I didn't volunteer."

Mello ran over to him and pulled him along by his arm. "Yes you did! Now if you will, get in here. And put this on." He handed him a blindfold.

Teru-sensei looked doubtful, but put it on.

Matt shook his head. "He never saw it coming."

"How long do you think Mello will be grounded for this time?" Near asked.

"Not sure, at least a month, I mean, Daddy seems to not want to handle anymore shit thrown his way."

"Well then why did he adopt Mello? He would've been fine with just you and me."

Matt looked at him. "You have to admit though, it's a lot more fun with Mello around."

"Depends what you mean by fun and to who."

Teru-sensei climbed into the box. The class watched in fascination.

Mello cackled evilly as he locked the box. "Now, for your DOOM!"

"What?? Mello, I demand you let me out of this box!" Teru-sensei yelled in vain.

"Never! See you in Hell!"

Surprisingly enough, no one in the class looked away as Mello chopped Teru-sensei in half.

"Now!" Mello addressed the class. "Who wants to help me bury the body??"

"Can we burn the body??" someone asked.

"Let's stab it a few times!" another person said.

They crowded around Mello and their teacher's dead body.

Near shook his head. "They're admiring them."

"Oh crap. Just what we needed," Matt commented. "For Mello to have followers."

"Come! We shall torture the body a little more, outside! With some of the explosives I always carry around in my backpack." Mello was obviously letting all this go to his head.

"Should we tell an adult?" Matt asked, watching the rest of the class leave with Mello who was pushing the box with their teacher in it. In order to not draw so much attention, Mello shoved his head and legs back into the box as best as he could.

"Nah. It'll be enough when Daddy finds out."

"Alright, so then what do we do?"

Near got off his chair and walked towards Teru-sensei's desk. "I don't know about you, but I'm taking his wallet."

"But wouldn't his wallet be—"

Near showed him the wallet.

Matt grinned. "I want a new video game!"

"No way, I'm buying more toys."

"But you have a mountain of toys at home!"

"And you have three hundred games."

Matt thought for a bit. "Then… how about we buy something for Daddy, you know, to help with the migraine he'll get when he finds out Mello killed Teru-sensei."

"Alright, duct tape and a lot of rope it is then."

"Wait, what? Why would we buy that?"

Near stared at him. "If you don't know then that's ok, you don't need to."

He left.

"Wait!" Matt chased after him. "What would Daddy need that for??"

* * *

**Monkey: Whoo! I finally updated! I don't know how long it's been, but I'll try not to last that long again!**

Cookee: So I take it you're done with the mountain of homework we got over the break?

**Monkey: Er... no. I haven't even started it.**

Cookee: ¬¬ And you wonder why I keep the yaoi away from you during school.

**Monkey: Ehehe... Anyway! I seem to be out of ideas... anyone got any ways they'd like to see Mikami die? xD**

Cookee: ...

**Monkey: xD See you later everybody!**


	11. It's Halloween! Let the Killers Loose!

**Monkey: I own nothing!**

* * *

"Daddy! It's not fair!" Mello cried.

"Yeah! Please let us go!" Matt agreed.

Light pinched the bridge of his nose. "No. it's called a punishment for a reason. No trick or treating. I expect your psychology project to be done by the time L and I get back from our class."

L stood by the door. "Light, we will be late if we do not leave now."

Light nodded and walked towards Near. "Please keep them under control."

Near twirled a strand of his hair around. "I will try, but as always, I can't guarantee anything."

"I understand." The brunette sighed. "Just please try to stay out of trouble."

L shook his head. "You expect too much from them."

They left.

Near went back to his laptop. "If we can finish our project soon enough, we can go trick or treating later."

Mello and Matt looked at each other. Their project for psychology consisted of writing a twenty page report on their analysis of the criminal mind, a computer presentation of it and their own criminal story.

Near was currently working on the twenty page report. "Your silence can only mean you two are about to do something stupid."

Mello chuckled evilly. "You know us too well."

"We'll be back in a half hour," Matt told him as he and Mello both dressed up as Scream.

"Mmhm."

They slammed the door closed when they left.

Near printed out the finished report and the story, then saved the presentation onto his flash drive. He had already finished their group project, but Matt and Mello didn't need to know that.

He went into the kitchen and started to make some popcorn. Then he went into Light and L's room and found a stack of horror movies.

He stared at his special darts in his rooms that doubled as sedative darts. "Oh. That's what I was forgetting to do." He shrugged. "Oh well. Those two can't possibly cause too much destruction."

And as a reward for finishing the project all on his own, he treated himself to a horror movie marathon, starting off with Black Christmas.

---

Light shivered in the middle of his class. L noticed and asked about it.

"I felt as though Mello and Matt were unleashed upon the unsuspecting world with evil intentions and the desire to kill someone." Light replied in a whisper so their college professor wouldn't hear them.

L blinked. "Interesting. Anyway, I am sure it is nothing to worry about. Your mommy senses are not always correct."

"Name one time."

Silence.

"I take it back." L said.

Light pulled his cell phone out and kept it hidden from their professor. He decided to text the three to see what was going on.

---

To my three little demons:

_What is going on over there?_

From Daddy

---

To Daddy:

_We're just working on the project, just like we were when you left._

From the chocolate demon

---

To Daddy:

_What Mello said._

From the video game demon

---

To Daddy:

_I really hope you don't believe what they told you we're doing, because I can tell you right now, they're lying. _

From I'm not coming up with a name like the other two did

---

Light stared at the texts. L read them over his shoulder.

"… Maybe it won't be so bad," L offered.

Light scoffed. "Sure." He looked around the class. "Hey, have you seen Mikami?"

---

"Please let me go! I have to get to class!" Mikami pleaded as he tried to undo the rope tied around his wrists behind the chair.

"No way. We have a project to do and damn it, we plan to get an A on it." Mello said.

"And if that means to become killers ourselves in order to better understand the rest of the criminals out there, so be it." Matt added.

"Yeah! And after this, we're going trick or treating!"

They removed their Scream masks and grinned evilly.

Mikami scooted his chair back a bit. _They seem familiar… but from where? _His eyes widened when he realized that they were Light and L's adoptive kids. _Oh my God!_

---

Light shivered again.

"What now?" L asked.

"I think I know what happened to Mikami today…"

---

"AHHH!" Mikami screamed as he ran through his house.

He had managed to undo the rope around his wrist and ran up the stairs.

But Mello and Matt were right on his heels.

"The things we do for an A," Matt said, shaking his head.

Mello nodded. "Right? And our teachers tell us we don't try hard enough. Get back here, asshole! I want that A!"

Mikami tripped on the stairs and he fell face first.

"Wait! What will Light say! What will L say?! Don't you think they'd be disappointed in you?!" Mikami asked.

Mello and Matt stopped. "Disappointed?"

They thought for a bit.

"Daddy really wouldn't like it if we killed someone…" Mello acknowledged.

"And Dad won't be too happy either." Matt agreed.

Mikami let out a sigh of relief. "So you won't kill me?"

Mello and Matt looked at each other. They grinned evilly. "We will, we just won't tell our dads and problem solved."

Mikami paled. So close! He continued to run around the house.

He ran passed his cell phone, then went back and got it, making sure to avoid the bullets and the knives being thrown at him.

"Hello?! Hello, police?! I-I need cops down here fast! I'm at—" Mikami froze when a bullet zipped past him and shattered his phone to bits.

"Nuh-uh. No calling the police." Mello aimed his gun at him.

"But why me?!"

"Really? Do you really wanna know?" Matt asked.

Mikami nodded. If he was gonna die, he might as well find out the reason why.

"I don't like you." Mello stated. "So I'm going to kill you."

Matt nodded in agreement. "Spoken like a true serial killer."

Mello bowed. "Thank you, I try."

Mikami took his chance to run away from there.

He stopped in front of the window in his room on the second floor. He couldn't jump, there wasn't a tree to help him down. And if he broke something, he'd be easy prey for the two Scream maniacs after him.

Matt pulled out a pen and a pad of paper. "Now, could you tell us how you feel right now? I think it would give us extra in our project if we can tell how the victim felt before we killed him."

"You're insane!"

Matt wrote that down. "Thinks… we're insane… Anything else?"

"You'll go to Hell for this!"

"Don't count on it, we don't believe in all that."

"H-How do you plan to kill me?"

Mello shrugged. "Well, it could go quickly, or painfully."

"And as the killers, we decide. And we pick… Mello?"

"Random!"

He shot the raven who fell out the window and landed on the ground, dead.

"Oh yeah, there's one other part to this killing business," Matt spoke up.

"What's that?" Mello wondered.

"Hiding the body."

Mello grinned. "I know exactly where to hide it."

---

To my soon to be grounded for life little demons

_Why is Mikami's dead body hanging like a piñata outside his house?! You three are in SO much trouble!_

From Your worst nightmare

---

To my overreacting daddy

_How would we know? We just thought it to be a decoration._

From the chocolate angel

---

To my overreacting daddy

_What Mello said._

From the video game angel

---

To my overreacting daddy

_You're under reacting. If you really think that those two had nothing to do with it, you've been deceived. And also, it's unfair that you would ground me, when I wasn't the one that killed him._

From I still refuse to put a name here

---

To my little white demon

_While that may be true, you're still grounded for not keeping them under control. _

From Daddy

---

To Daddy

_If you can't keep them under control, what makes you think I can?_

From you know who I am

---

To my little white demon

_Now you're grounded for smartassing me._

From Daddy

---

To the video game angel

_Ha! Near got in trouble! Near got in trouble!_

From the blonde angel

---

To the blonde idiot and the redhead idiot

_I advise you not to fall asleep tonight._

From if you really have to ask, you're bigger morons than I thought

---

Mello and Matt looked at each other. "Geez, and we thought _we _were the killers here."

* * *

**Monkey: I updated twice in one day! Amazing, no? xD**

Cookee: ¬¬

**Monkey: Why are you shaking your head at me? o.o**

Cookee: ... I'm outta here. Bye.

**Monkey: Aw. See you later everybody! And thank you so much for all the ideas, I'll be using them in the rest of the chapters! And I'm still open to ideas if anyone still wants to give me some :D**


	12. A Star is Bored

**Monkey: Whoo! I'm updating sooner this time! I own nothing!**

* * *

Light felt something tugging on his pant leg. He looked down and saw Near.

The albino stared at him expectantly, his arms raised up towards Light.

Light smiled and picked up the small five year old.

"Light!!" Misa called. "Where are you?? The director wants you!"

Near clung to the brunette, out of all the actors, Light was his favorite.

"Want to come with me?"

Near nodded. Light walked towards the set of their show, Cheating Fate.

"Light!" the director yelled. "They're at it again! Make them stop!"

The brunette rolled his eyes. "L!! Mikami!!"

"Why do they always fight?" Near asked.

"Apparently, they're fighting over me," Light said. "Which is stupid because I don't like either of them with all the problems they cause me."

He walked to the two fighting ravens.

Mikami glared at L. "He'll be mine."

"Wrong. I'm his love interest, he'll be mine."

"You're both wrong and will soon be falling out of a twenty story building if you two don't knock it off!" Light exclaimed.

The two ravens glared at each other again, then turned around and crossed their arms over their chest.

"Really, you two act more like kids than the kids here do," Light said with a shake of his head.

Near watched Mello and Matt run by with water guns. "I wouldn't count them all out."

"I'm sick and tired of your fighting," Light began. "Why can't you two just get along? I don't like either of you!"

"Forgive me, Light, but it is in our character, there just isn't a way around our hatred." L stated, bringing a thumb to his mouth.

"We won't stop until one of us has you," Mikami announced.

"Oh dear God…" Light muttered. He sighed. "Fine, just stay away from me the kids, and away from the director when you two have your little fights."

L and Mikami nodded.

Light walked away with Near still comfortable in his arms. "Want to get some ice cream?"

"Ok."

As soon as Light was out of earshot, L and Mikami glared at each other again.

"I will kill you." L stated.

Mikami scoffed. "You can try. But I will win his heart."

"We'll see about that."

---

Knock Knock Knock

Light yawned as he opened the door to his apartment. He stared at the person on the other side of the door then slammed the door shut, pressing his back against the door in a desperate attempt to keep it from being opened.

"Light! Don't ignore me! I love you!" Mikami exclaimed, pounding on the door with the bouquet of roses and box of chocolates in his hands.

"It's three in the morning! Go AWAY!" Light ditched the door, went to the closest window and opened it. He looked down. It was two stories high…

The door was kicked open. "LIGHT!"

"Oh God." Light took in a deep breath and jumped out the window.

Mikami freaked. "LIGHT!!!"

Light landed easily on the ground and took off running. _It's sad when I have to run away from my own home… _He thought as he ran. After a couple minutes, he realized he had no where to spend the night.

_Ah, maybe I could go to… _

He knocked on a door.

It opened and it revealed a small albino.

"Hi Near, can I stay over for a while?" Light asked nicely.

Near rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Mikami and L again?"

"Currently just Mikami, but yes."

Near raised his arms up. Light smiled and took that as a yes. He carried him back inside the house and closed the door behind him.

"You need to get a restraining order against them." Near said, closing his eyes.

Light sighed. "Believe me, I will once Cheating Fate is done."

---

"Light, you must not take on that sort of responsibility, it is not in your hands, you are not the one who must bear the guilt of it all," L spoke.

Light clenched a fist. "L, what happened was my fault, don't try to persuade me to think otherwise. I have to do this."

L walked towards him and got really close to his face.

"Hey wait, is this in the—AH!" Light fell on his butt when L tried to kiss him.

L frowned. "Come on Light, at least one kiss, it will make this scene more dramatic, don't you think?"

"CUT!" The director yelled out. "L! Are you trying to ruin me?!"

L put his thumb in his mouth as always. "Not in the least. I think we would get even more viewers if we added some pre-manslaughter romance between Light's character and mine."

"Bull. You just want a reason to kiss me." Light shot, standing up with as much dignity as he could. And for Light, that was a damn lot.

"That too." L admitted.

Light rolled his eyes. "Honestly, you two are going to drive me insane."

Light was suddenly tackled by a black blur.

"AHH!" Light yelled out.

"Light! Be mine!" Mikami exclaimed happily.

"Ugh! Get off of me!" Light tried to shove him off, but Mikami had a strong grip around his waist.

L glared death at the raven on _his _Light. Unfortunately, Light didn't know he was L's, but that could be changed…

He grabbed the back of Mikami's shirt and pulled him off, throwing him across the stage.

The director shook his head. "Take five!" The camera stayed on the three even though they technically weren't supposed to be rolling.

"You dared to lay a hand on my Light?!" L asked.

"Light isn't yours! I will convince him to love me!" Mikami replied confidently.

Light shook his head. "Don't I get a say in this at all? I mean, I don't love either of you…" _Did he say 'my Light?' Since when am I his?? … Like hell I'm his!_

The director looked at the three curiously. He whispered to the cameraman to keep rolling, this was great material!

L and Mikami glared at each other, sending electricity through the air.

"To the prop room!" they yelled, then ran off.

Light watched them leave. He yawned. "I'll be in my dressing room." He waved to the director and the cameraman who followed the two ravens and walked away.

The two kicked open the door of the prop room.

L went for a gun while Mikami went for a sword.

POP

BOING

L stared at his gun. "Stupid toy guns."

Mikami stared at his sword. "Stupid rubber bouncy swords."

They tried again, and when they got the same result, they went for random things to throw at each other.

"What were they expecting in the prop room, a real magnum?" the director whispered at the cameraman who made sure to get everything.

The cameraman thought for a bit. "Wasn't there a mistake in one of the prop guns?"

"A mistake?" The director echoed.

The cameraman nodded. "Isn't one of the guns real?"

The director looked back at L and Mikami who were throwing Near's blocks at each other.

"Let's watch and see!" The director said eagerly.

Morbid much? Ah, but who could blame him? Those two were the reason his blood pressure was always through the roof every day after shooting.

Mikami dodged some of the garden gnomes L was throwing at him. Why were there even so many of them in there?!

_Why are there so many gnomes in here? _L wondered as he picked out some gnomes from a mountain of them.

Mikami found some fake animals and started throwing them at L.

_This place has issues…_ L thought as he dodged a rhinoceros, a giraffe and an otter.

Near walked by the prop room, wanting to get some of his toys out to play with them. He stopped under the threshold, eyebrow raised at the two ravens throwing and dodging gnomes and the director and the camera guy watching them, as if this was a movie.

Seriously, was everybody insane here or what?

"You will never be able to stop me!" Mikami exclaimed, jumping on top of a fake pyramid and throwing another garden gnome at L. "Your acting career will end right here!"

"In your dreams!" L hid behind a sarcophagus. "Just admit it, I have more of a chance than you do!" He spotted another magnum. He knew it was fake, but why pass up the chance to scare the shit out of Mikami? L reached for the gun.

Near shook his head. "Poor Light…" He left without even entering the room, going to find Light so he could stop the fight before one of them ended up killing the other

Near knocked on Light's dressing room door.

"Leave right now or Hell help me, I will—" Light spoke from behind the door without opening it.

"Light?" Near cut in, before the brunette could finish that threat.

"Near?" Light opened the door. "Sorry, I'm just so used to it being L or Mikami at my door. Anyway, what's up?"

"L and Mikami are trying to kill each other again," Near told him simply, as Light picked him up. "They're in the prop room."

The brunette rolled his eyes. "Then let them, God knows it would give us all a break and prevent us from getting an ulcer or something."

"If they succeed, then one of them will be left, and he'll be all over you, constantly and always since there will be no one in his way." Near deadpanned.

Light stared at the albino, blinked and started running towards the prop room.

He entered it and noticed the silence and L staring at Mikami's body, sprawled on the ground face down. L looked up at Light and nonchalantly tossed the magnum somewhere behind them.

"… We were too late." Light murmured. _NO! Now my life's gonna suck!! More than it already does!!_

L stared at Light. "For the record, I wasn't the idiot that got a real magnum placed into a prop room."

The director's eye twitched. Light's did too.

Near stared at Mikami's body. He looked at the sarcophagus by them. "I have an idea."

---

Mello and Matt walked up to the sarcophagus with a big DO NOT OPEN sign on it, making want to of course, want to open it.

They did and Mikami's dead body fell on them.

They screamed and ran away.

Light looked at Near, the two a little ways away, watching for the reaction.

Light shook his head. "Why?"

"It was fun. And L is a bad influence."

"… I figured."

* * *

**Monkey: Hope you guys liked the chapter! And yes, I will begin to use the awesome ideas you guys gave me starting in the next chapter! x3**

Cookee: You're updating.

**Monkey: ... Yes.**

Cookee: And that research paper due on Monday that you haven't even started yet...?

**Monkey: O_O SHIT! --runs to work on research paper--**

Cookee: --shakes head-- See you later everybody!


	13. The Glasses

**Monkey: I own nothing!**

* * *

Mello stared at the thick manila envelope he had received in the mail. "What the hell? It's from Light?" He stepped back into his house. "Hey Matt! Do you know why that psycho would want to send us something in the mail?"

The gamer came out of his room, his eyes glued to the psp screen. "Don't know. Careful though, it might be like, poison or something."

The blonde rolled his eyes. "Sure it is. Light doesn't have the balls to do that."

He set the envelope on the table and opened it. A DVD case came out of it.

The case was completely blank and Mello wondered if it was a prank from the genius.

"A movie?" Mello asked. "Let's watch it."

Matt sat down on the couch opposite of the giant flat screen tv they had and Mello popped the DVD in before joining the redhead on the couch.

They turned everything on and waited.

---

_Perfect. They must be watching it right now,_ Light thought, resisting to chuckle evilly. _Finally, I'll be able to kill off two of L's successors! And they won't be able to track me down, I didn't use the Death Note and Mikami can take care of things! _

Light walked around his room and waited, waiting for his pawn to come back and tell him of the death of those two.

_Now the only left is Near, and I can do the same to him that I did to Mello and Matt…_

---

The movie started out with static, and looking as though the tv broke. The scene flashed to a mirror and someone looking into the mirror. The guy looked familiar to Mello and Matt but they couldn't quite place him. The scene lasted no more than three seconds before it changed to the sight of a tree moving in the wind, then dying. Several odd scenes later, the screen faded to black.

Then some guy, the same guy that was looking at the mirror earlier, was looking at the camera. He looked down and put on his glasses. Looking back up, he reached out towards them in slow motion, as if he would come out of the tv, hoping to draw out some fear.

"Damn, this video is boring. I guess Light wanted to bore us to death." Mello said, changing the channel and turning on the Wii. "Wanna play a game of tennis?"

"Sure." Matt turned off his psp and took a Wii console. He gave one to Mello and their game of tennis began.

Mello served the ball.

Inside the tv, Mikami stared at the two he was supposed to kill. They were bored?! And they decided to play a video game while his DVD was still in?!

He just barely managed to catch the tennis ball that came towards him. He threw it back then didn't see the ball coming a second time and got hit with it in the face.

"Ouch! What is wrong with you two?!" Mikami exclaimed. He rubbed his nose and checked for blood. Light didn't tell him they would fight back! He didn't tell him those two were freaking insane and dangerous!

Mello and Matt stopped playing.

"Did the tv just talk to us?" Mello asked. Since they were playing a game, they couldn't see Mikami was watching them.

"I don't know, but I'm going to go get us some snacks, I'll bring you back some chocolate."

"K."

After Matt left, Mikami decided it was time to make his appearance.

From the tennis game, Mikami slowly began to come out of the tv.

"AHH! There's a geek coming out of the tv!!!" Mello yelled before pulling out a bat from out of no where. He began to hit the geek.

"OW! HEY! I'm still alive here! OW!" Mikami exclaimed, trying to escape from the blonde.

"MATT! Get over here! And bring a hammer!!"

Matt came in with a hammer. "Why'd you need a—Woah! Cool!" Matt proceeded to beating Mikami up with the hammer he pulled out of no where.

---

_Why is it taking him so long? They're just teens! _Light thought as he paced around his room, again._ He should've killed them by now! Why hasn't he reported back to me, showing me their dead bodies?!_

His cell began to ring. It was a local call.

"Hello?"

"Yo Psycho! What the fuck did you send me?!"

"Mello?!"

"Who else?! God Light, you're such an ass for sending me this crap!" Mello sounded tired through the phone. "Some geek came out of the tv! Really, what's wrong with you? Do you wake and wonder what creepy thing to do to try and give someone a heart attack or something?? Don't be stupid and just use the damn Death Note! At least that doesn't come with a geek!"

And the blonde hung up.

Light stared at the phone in his hands. What the hell had happened?

---

Matt threw Mikami back into the tv and lit the DVD on fire in the trash can. "So… what now?"

Mello turned on the Wii again. "Tennis, best of five?"

Matt grinned. "You're on!"

---

Light checked his watch. It was nearly midnight! Mikami should've been back hours ago!

Where was he?!

"Light…"

Light turned around and nearly screamed when he saw Mikami's ghost standing there, behind him. "What happened to you?!"

"I got killed." Mikami stared at the brunette, hopeful. "You'll still keep me around though, right?"

"You weren't supposed to die! You were supposed to kill them! And why are you still here?? Shouldn't you have passed on already??"

Mikami shrugged. "Something about me being attached to you is going to keep me here until you die, then we'll pass on together."

Light slammed his head against a wall. "Goddamnit. You were annoying in life, and now in death too!" He looked up at the ceiling and raised a fist. "Fine L, you win! You and your damn psychotic successors win!"

* * *

**Monkey: Yes, I know how much this sucked, no one needs to tell me, but trust me, the rest of the chapters will be better n.n" That is the last time I try to write slightly more canon, my style is AU crack and lots of it. u.ú**

Cookee: Yeah. You know, I think this turned out better while we were RPing it. u.u"

**Monkey: Oh yeah. Oh, and this chapter came from us wanting to do a parody of The Ring. Get it? The Glasses? The Ring? xD**

Cookee: It was going to be The Square...

**Monkey: Yeah but that just sounded stupid xD**

Cookee: Yeah. Anyway, see you guys later!


	14. The Death of Santa

**Monkey: I still own nothing! And I'm sorry that last chapter sucked... but hopefully this is better?**

* * *

Light put on his jacket as he and L got ready to leave the house.

"Alright, I know it's Christmas, but we got an urgent case to go to." Light told their three kids.

L took his time putting on his sneakers, a bored expression on his face. "Leave it to some idiot to get himself killed on Christmas. Really, people these days just do not know the meaning of the holiday spirit and their days off."

Light rolled his eyes. "Like you're one to talk. You have no holiday spirit! You only like the holidays because of all the sweets!"

"And the mistletoes of course." L smirked, pointing to the threshold above Light's head.

"Crap." Light turned to the kids. "We'll be back later! Merry Christmas!" And he ran off before L could kiss him.

"Bye kids." L said before yelling out to Light, "You were under the mistletoe! That means I get to kiss you!"

And the door slammed shut.

The three kids looked at each other. Time to eat lots of junk food and play video games all night!

---

It was around 11:50 when Matt, Mello and Near all heard noises coming from their roof.

"Cool! We're being haunted on Christmas!" Matt said eagerly.

Mello rolled his eyes at the nine year old.

Near stared at the blonde with big, wide eyes. "I told you you're a Scrooge."

"Shut it you albino rugrat!" Mello said.

The sounds shifted from the roof to their chimney.

"Ouch! Damn, this is the last time I do something like this… unless Light asks me again, then I might…" came the whisper from inside the chimney.

A big black bag fell from the chimney and landed in the fireplace.

"Holy crap! We're being robbed!!" Matt and Mello exclaimed.

Near picked up his toy robot and looked at Mello. "You're still a Scrooge."

---

"Light, why are you so angry?" L asked, as they stepped out of their car and walked towards the building they called their job.

"You put a mistletoe in our house."

"Holiday spirit. I figured since you are always going on about it, I may as well join in, no?"

"No! I hate mistletoes!"

L bit his thumb. His big eyes seemed to get bigger with his curiosity. "Are you afraid of them?"

Light huffed as he pulled the glass door open. "I tell you I hate them and you somehow hear I'm afraid of them."

"You would always get attacked by girls catching you under the mistletoe during the holidays ever since your childhood and now you are scarred for life." L stated.

Light looked back at him. "I hate it when you analyze me."

"It is what I do best."

"Whatever."

"You are also worried about the kids, are you not?"

"Well of course! Like you said, how could some idiot get themselves killed today of all days??"

"I thought you sent them a Santa?"

"I did."

"Then they will be fine. It is not like they will think they are being robbed or something."

"If they do," Light began once they both entered the elevator, "I feel sorry for Mikami."

---

Once Mikami landed on the ground, he rubbed his head a bit. "Agh… I don't know how Santa does this in every freaking house, this is painful!" He looked up with a smile. "Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christ—AH!"

The kids were ready with pots, pans and darts.

"No one will rob us on Christmas!" Mello exclaimed.

"Yeah! Because Dad and Daddy need a house to come home to!"

"I needed a new place to aim my darts at." Near said.

"Ow! Hey!! Don't you know who I am?! I'm—"

Mello duct taped his mouth. "No talking! You're a thief! You're a dirtbag!"

"What should we do to him, Mello? Should we call our dads?" Matt asked as he and Near tied up the man in the red suit.

"No, we should take care of things ourselves." Mello replied with a nod. He went into the kitchen.

Matt poked the man. "Why couldn't you be a ghost? You'd be much cooler!"

Mello came out of the kitchen with a pitchfork. Why had a pitchfork in there he didn't know, but he was damn happy they had one.

"Now!" Mello aimed the pitchfork at Mikami's face. "You're gonna tell us why you wanted to rob us or this'll go through your neck!"

"MMPH! Mn-phmmnph! Mmm-mphpmnmph!"

The three kids looked at each other.

"Let's poke him with a stick." Matt said.

"Let's bury him under a Lego mountain," Near offered.

"No! Let's torture him a bit." Mello said.

---

Light stared at the mangled body in front of them. "Wonderful."

L shook his head. "Looks like somebody got coal all their lives."

"Would you stop with all the bad Christmas puns?" Light asked. "Really, and you wonder why the kids do the same."

"I guess now you do not wish to enjoy some holiday spirit?"

Light looked away to avoid seeing the smirk. "I know someone else who's going to get coal for the rest of their lives," he mumbled under his breath.

"I heard that," L told him with a smile.

Matsuda laughed nervously. "Um, ok you two, can you please stop arguing? The faster we finish this case, the faster you two can go back home to your kids."

"Fine." Light and L began working on opposite sides of the body.

_Oh boy, these two… _Matsuda thought with a small shake of his head.

---

Matt stared at the now dead body. "You killed him."

"I tripped, I accidentally killed him," Mello told him.

Near walked over to the bag in the chimney. "Hey, this bag is full of toys…"

"Holy crap! We killed Santa!!" Matt exclaimed. "Santa is real!"

"Was real," Near corrected.

"Aww…" the three kids looked at Santa with a pitchfork through his throat. "We killed Santa…" They took their gifts and opened them.

Lots of toys for Near, a huge box of all sorts of king sized chocolate bars for Mello and ten new games for Matt.

Matt and Near walked into the kitchen.

"What are you guys doing?" Mello asked.

"Leaving milk and cookies out for Santa." Matt replied.

"Why? He's already dead…" Mello said.

"Scrooge." Near called him.

"Why you—!"

"Come on you two, stop fighting! It's Christmas and we just killed Santa!" Matt yelled as he placed the plate of cookies and glass of milk by Santa's body. "Come on, let's go play upstairs."

So the three played and slept soundly even after killing Santa.

A few hours later, Light and L returned, having solved their case.

"That's weird, all the lights are off." Light said as they stepped out of the car.

"Well it is two in the morning and the kids know how much you hate it when they stay up late." L told him, watching Light get his key out and opening the door.

"True, but I thought they'd be happy about being visited by…" Light stopped when he turned on the lights.

The two stared at Mikami's body and the pitchfork…

"When did we get a pitchfork?" L asked curiously. Maybe there was a side of Light he didn't know about…

"… That is the last time I hire someone to be Santa." Light said with a shake of his head.

L took the cookies. "He can keep the milk."

* * *

**Monkey: So I was gonna put this chap up earlier, but I figured if I put it up on Christmas then that would... well it wouldn't be that great ^^;**

Cookee: At least you went back to crack.

**Monkey: Yeah. u.u" I don't think I'll ever try to write DN canon, or at least as close to it as I can get, ever again, it sucked xD Well, hope you guys liked it!**

Cookee: See you later everyone!


	15. Stuck in Prison

**Monkey: Woohoo! Another update! I own nothing! Enjoy!**

* * *

"Honestly, I saw this coming a long time ago," L told the brunette he was sitting next to.

Light sighed. "I think I did too, but you're not helping."

Where were they?

In prison.

Why?

Something about their three kids being the spawn of Satan and because they're minors, Light and L were sent to prison for being bad parents and letting their kids kill people.

They got three years, one year for each kid. In the meantime, the three stayed with their aunt Sayu who loved them and loved to spoil them.

At least they would be happy for the next three years.

"Cheer up Light. At least we're in the same cell."

Light rolled his eyes. "Again, not helping."

"NOO! Let me go please! I'm innocent!! I don't deserve to go to prison!! Please!!" came the yelling from outside their cell.

Light walked up to the gate and looked at the guards dragging with them a raven.

"Mikami?" Light asked.

"What?" L walked up to him.

When Mikami was right in front of them, he looked up at him. His eyes met L's.

"… YOU!" they both exclaimed.

"You're the jackass that stole Light from me!" Mikami yelled.

"You are the dumbass that never stopped stalking Light!" L yelled back.

"He loved me!"

"He loves me!"

"Light!!" they both exclaimed, turning to look at the brunette.

He stared at them. He looked at one of the security guards. "Um… can I get another cell?"

---

"WAH!"

"I am going to kill him." L stated as he got out of his bed. It wasn't that he was having trouble sleeping since he hardly ever slept anyway, but Mikami was just being annoying.

"No, you won't. You've already got three years, let's not add a life sentence, or a death penalty." Light sighed.

"Let me out of here!!" Mikami whined.

"Shut up over there!" L yelled at him.

"You shut up!"

"Oh real mature!"

"Yeah? Well look who's talking!"

"Yeah! You are! Now shut up!"

"Both of you shut up!!"

They shut up at Light's yell. The brunette sighed with relief.

"Crybaby." L muttered.

"Asshole." Mikami mumbled.

Light groaned. It was going to be a long night.

---

"Light! Please take me back!" Mikami said in the morning. His cell was unfortunately directly in front of Light and L's.

L glared at him. "It should be against the law to be this annoying this early in the morning."

Mikami ignored him and focused only on Light. "Please!"

"He cannot take you back," L spoke before Light had a chance to. Light rolled his eyes and stepped back a bit, knowing where this would lead up to.

"What? And why's that?"

"Because he was never yours to begin with."

"Yes he was! You took him down the road of evil before he could confess to me!"

"You are on crack. He would never like you!"

Their eyes locked in a staring contest. "Light!" they both yelled.

Light blinked a couple times then looked at the security guard who felt sorry for him and let him out to temporarily put him in another cell.

---

"Shut up or I will kill you, regardless of the punishment I may receive later!" L said.

If it hadn't annoyed him so much, Light would find the constant display of anger amusing.

"You can try, but you won't be able to kill me! You don't have the guts!" Mikami replied.

"Guts? I do not have the guts??" L gripped the bars of his cell tightly. "Do not make me go over there."

"Ha! You can't break those bars!"

Before L could verbally retaliate, Light spoke.

"Honestly!! You two are worse than a married couple!"

"… EWWW!" Mikami and L made faces at the horror of being together.

Light shrugged, "It's what it looks like to me."

EXPLODE!

Light jumped off the bed and rushed to the bars with L. He had been back in the same cell as L since lunchtime. "What happened??"

The wall to Mikami's cell had exploded and a huge chunk of it fell on top of Mikami.

Out of the smoke came three shadows.

"Dad! Daddy! We're here to rescue you!" two of the three shadows said.

L stared at them while Light slapped his forehead.

"Oh boy…"

Mikami began crying as soon as Mello stepped on his head. "Why me?! What have I done to deserve all this?!"

L opened his mouth to speak but Light stopped him. "Don't."

Their three kids looked at them. "… Uh…"

"You blew up the wrong wall." Light told them.

Surprisingly, the security guard didn't rush to get reinforcements, he just watched them, amused.

"Damn it!" Mello exclaimed.

Matt sighed as he wondered whether or not they had enough explosives to blow up another wall.

Near looked around. He stared at Mikami who was crying and saying stupidities then looked up at his dads. "I'm surprised you haven't cracked yet."

L shrugged.

"I have, a long time ago," Light mumbled.

"LIGHT! Get these demons off of me! It isn't fair! Why m—"

"ENOUGH!" The prison got quiet.

"I'm tired of waiting! Let's shut you up for good!"

From the hallway in between the cells, the ground cracked open. Fire emerged from it, and from that, someone.

It looked like… the Devil?

Light stared, speechless. What was the Devil doing there??

L didn't seem phased by their guest and bit his thumb. "How are you going to shut him up for good? I thought hell tortured its inhabitants for all of eternity?"

"Listen, are you the Devil?" Satan asked.

"No."

Light would've disagreed but he preferred to keep his mouth shut at this point.

"Then don't tell me how to do my job." Satan reached through the bars, grabbed the front of Mikami's shirt, pulled him through the wall and bars and kicked him into Hell. Or at least, into the hole that led to Hell. He looked back at Light and L. "Well if you must know, I'll be sewing his mouth shut. Duh. See you five when you die!" He waved to them, jumped into the hole Mikami had fallen into and the hole disappeared, not even leaving a trace of it ever having been there, except for the fact that Mikami was gone now.

"How cool!" Matt, Mello and even Near said.

"… Did the Devil just give me attitude?" L asked.

"… Did he just say we'll all be going to Hell?" Light asked.

The security guard who saw everything got a little scared. He smiled nervously at them. "Y-you're free to go! Have a nice life!"

He opened the cells and practically shoved them to the giant hole where the kids were.

They left.

L got a hold of Mello and Matt's ears. "You two are in so much trouble for getting us sent to prison."

Near just held Light's hand. Light was too tired to discipline his kids.

Mello looked at Matt. "I knew we shouldn't have busted them out."

* * *

**Monkey: Poor Light xD**

Cookee: Yeah. Poor Light, he's going to Hell.

**Monkey: ... Oh. I meant poor Light because he's stuck with L in life and apparently in death too xD**

Cookee: Nice. And thank you XxKat-OF-ShadowsxX for the idea! Anyway, see you later everybody!


	16. Kiyomi's Turn

**Monkey: Happy Late New Year's everyone! Here's another chap!**

* * *

"You have five minutes." L stated, biting his thumb as he stayed outside the entrance.

Light rolled his eyes. "No way. I'm here to see my friend and get my hair cut. You of all people should know how long that takes."

L nodded. "Ten minutes then."

Light ignored him and went into the hair salon. "Hi Kiyomi," he greeted to the raven giggling at them.

"Hey Light. Having another one of those lover's quarrels?"

Light raked a hand through his brown locks. It was about time he was getting them cut, he was tired of people mistaking him for a girl. Seriously! His hair wasn't even that long! "It's not that. He's just being paranoid. I got kidnapped again."

"I am not being paranoid!" L called out to them, still outside the entrance.

Kiyomi frowned at her long time friend. "Again? Who was it this time?" They made their way to the back where the hair stylists cut hair.

"This time it was Mikami Teru. He's been after me for a while." Light sat down in the chair and Kiyomi put a black sheet over him and buttoned it at the neck.

Kiyomi nodded. He'd already been kidnapped three times before, no wonder he didn't seem to phased about it. "Did they capture him?"

Light shook his head. "He got away before the police found me. I mean, I didn't even know L had had some tracking device implanted in me…" Light gave a small shudder.

Kiyomi chuckled. "He's just worried about you."

"I am not worried!" L told them.

Light sighed. Leave it to L to hear a conversation from fifty feet away. Wait a minute… "Do you have me bugged too?!"

L shrugged. "We cannot afford to be too careful."

Light laid his head back as the raven began cutting his hair. "Really, he acts as though he was the one that was kidnapped." Light muttered under his breath.

L smiled at him. "I heard that!"

Oh if Light didn't love him so much…

About ten minutes later, Kiyomi removed the black sheet. "Alright! We're all done."

Light looked at his reflection. "Thank you Kiyomi." He looked like a guy again. More or less anyway…

They reached the counter, and as Light was about to pull out his wallet, Kiyomi stopped him.

"Don't worry about it, Light."

"But…"

She smiled. "You might want to go before L gets too impatient."

"I am not impatient." L spoke, directly behind Light who screamed and jumped at the sound of his voice.

"You're worried about a stalker or someone trying to kill me, when you're doing a pretty damn good job at it yourself!" Light said with a huff, bringing a hand up to his chest out of instinct to calm his rapidly beating heart.

L just smiled at him.

Light looked back at Kiyomi. "I'll stop by again soon, so that we could talk again."

She nodded. "Bye Light! Bye L!"

And they left.

Well, they left bickering.

"De-bug me right now."

"I am afraid I cannot do that."

"I understand a tracking device, but a listening device? There's no need for one!"

"Unless you want me to undress you out on the streets, you will wait until we get home."

Light blinked a couple times before looking shocked. "What?! Where the hell did you put it?!" He picked up his pace. "You know what, I don't wanna know!"

"If you really want the world to see all of you, I will remove the listening device right now."

"No!"

"You change your mind a lot."

"Well excuse me for living with a pervert!"

"I am not a pervert. I am your boyfriend."

Light threw his arms up in the air. "Even worse!"

Kiyomi just laughed and shook her head at those two.

_But poor Light… he's constantly getting kidnapped! And this guy got away too! If I ever see this guy, I'll kill him! _Yes, it was safe to say that Kiyomi was very protective of her childhood friend. She wasn't as bad as L, but she was getting there.

---

Normally Kiyomi was never alone at the salon. Someone was always with her, but one of her coworkers was on vacation, another was away on her maternity leave and the other had the day off. Luckily, she could manage the salon by herself pretty well, since it was a Wednesday and not many people came in.

She had seen Light a week ago and wondered when she would see him again.

Ding Ding

Kiyomi looked up from her magazine to look at the raven who just stepped into the salon. "Hi. Do you have an appointment?"

He nodded. "Mikami Teru."

Kiyomi stopped. He was on their list?! She scanned the names written in her coworker's messy handwriting and sure enough, his name was right there.

What luck! Now she didn't have to go on a manhunt to kill him!

"Alright. Right this way, please." She led him to the back.

He sat down and she prepared him for the hair cut.

She began a small conversation with him as she cut his hair. "So, what do you do for a living?"

"I sta— I mean, I'm a lawyer."

"I see. Any special girl out there for you?"

"Guy, but he doesn't love me— yet."

"Ah." _I'll kill him!_

She 'accidentally' cut his hair too much. She gasped. "Oh no! I'm so sorry! I accidentally cut too much!"

Mikami didn't look too phased about it. "Um… it's fine?"

Kiyomi shook her head several times. "No! No, it isn't ok! Please! If you could come with me to the back, there's something back there that could fix it!"

She took his hand and led him to the back entrance of the salon.

"What are you—" Mikami began, but never finished.

She sure was vicious with a pair of scissors and a razor in her hands.

Mikami's body collapsed on the ground, dead.

Thankfully, they were in a dark alley and no one had seen anything.

She began to walk away when she stopped and walked back to him. "Oh, by the way…"

She pulled his hair some and brought up her blood covered scissors, an evil glint in her eye.

About an hour later, Light and L came in.

"Back so soon Light?" Kiyomi asked, quickly dropping the evidence into the trash can next to her, then going over to the front desk.

"This idiot next to me thought it would be fun to stick gum in my hair." Light glared at the raven who looked away innocently.

Kiyomi laughed. "Don't worry, I can fix it."

She led him to the back.

"Is that blood?" Light asked.

"No…"

"… Alright then…" Light dropped the subject and sat down, ready for his second hair cut that month.

A drunk homeless person outside stared at the dead body. Not only was he dead, but he had a horrible hair cut too. Poor guy. He looked at the back door of the salon. "Oh come on! You can spare a dead body but you can't spare your lunch?"

"What was that?" L asked.

Kiyomi laughed nervously. "Nothing."

The drunken man shook his head. "Kids these days." And he walked off, leaving Mikami's dead body there without thinking of calling the authorities. He wondered about who he could mooch off of instead.

* * *

**Monkey: Hope you guys liked it ^o^ I actually got this idea while getting my hair cut, I thought it'd be funny xD**

Cookee: You would turn an ordinary situation into an idea, huh?

**Monkey: Can't help it, I have to finish this fic like, now! **

Cookee: So is another massive update coming up before we go back to school?

**Monkey: Hell yeah! xD See you guys later everyone!**


	17. Mommy to the Rescue!

**Monkey: Get a ready for a massive update!**

* * *

"I'm home!" Light called out once he opened the door to his house.

"Hi Light, how was school today?" his mother, Sachiko asked.

Light shrugged. "It was ok. L and I had fun making our teacher cry again."

Sachiko laughed nervously. That was something she would have to talk to him about. "Light, you're ten, you really shouldn't go around making adults cry." _How do they make her cry??_

Light walked into the kitchen with her. "Aw, but mom, it's fun."

Sachiko sighed. Maybe it would be easier if Soichiro spoke with him…

"What's for dinner?"

"I'm making your favorite."

"Yay! Can L come over?"

"Sure."

"Sweet!" Light raced up the stairs to his room to call his best friend.

"Light, where's Sayu?"

"… L I'll call you back." And Light raced out the door and went back to school, not wanting to get in trouble for forgetting his sister at school… again.

Soichiro came home just in time for dinner. He stared at the three kids at the dinner table. Wait, three? "Sachiko, when did we get a third child?"

Sachiko chuckled. "That's L, dear. Come join us."

Soichiro nodded slowly. "I need more sleep."

Dinner went well, even with the small fight Sayu and Light had had over the last piece of apple pie their mother had made. In the end, it was L who got it.

L took a bite of it. "Wonderful cooking, Yagami-san."

"Why thank you, L."

The small insomniac looked at Light. "Do you want to share?"

Light blushed a bit and looked away, crossing his arms over his chest. "No thanks. I don't like sweets anyway."

Sayu laughed. "Light's turning red!"

"I am not!"

"Are to!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

Sachiko sighed in content as she watched her kids bicker. She also didn't miss the blush Light was hell bent on denying. She could see how Light and L seemed to have a crush on each other, and she thought it was cute.

"Sachiko, are Light and L—"

She stepped on his foot hard enough to make him give a small yell. Her face kept a warm smile through it all.

Soichiro could only imagine how their kids would turn out to be with her genes running through them. Probably insane…

"Light, have you finished your homework yet?" Sachiko asked as she removed the kids' plates from the table.

"Not yet. Can L come up with me?"

"Sure."

And the two raced up the stairs.

"I wanna come! I have homework too!" Sayu cried after them.

Light stopped and turned to look at her. "What are you doing?"

"We're learning how to add."

Light sighed. A first grader, so young, so innocent. Light thought about the algebra II he and L were doing. This was what they got for skipping a few grades. He figured helping out his sister wouldn't be so bad. "Alright, I'll help you out before bedtime, ok?"

Sayu smiled at her older brother. "Ok!"

The two boys raced up the rest of the stairs and went into Light's room.

Soichiro looked a little worried. "Is it ok to leave them alone like that?"

"Oh please, they're ten. What could they possibly do?"

"They're geniuses, who knows what they know!"

"… True. Alright, I'll go up there, but only if you go straight to bed, you're becoming a little paranoid."

_That's because of the two mini-devils I call my kids! And the third one they bring along! _"Yes dear." And he went to his room.

Sachiko on the other hand quietly walked up the stairs and went to eavesdrop by Light's room, leaving Sayu downstairs watching cartoons.

"So, I am guessing it happened again?" L asked, sitting down on Light's bed while the latter took a seat next to him.

"Yeah, he did it again."

_He? He who? Did what to Light???_

"Let me see." L basically ordered.

Light showed him. "It's starting to freak me out a little, I'm not sure how to respond to all this, and if what Mikami's doing is alright."

Sachiko mentally racked her head for a connection. _Mikami? Oh! He must be talking about Mikami Teru!_

L nodded. "Well you know what they say about guys like him."

Light looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "What do they say about guys like him?"

L shrugged. "I was hoping you would tell me."

Sachiko paled a bit. _Guys like what?? What was going on with Light??_

Light shook his head. He had the strange feeling that once they were a little older, L would be driving him crazy, in more ways than one. "Anyway, thanks for not telling anyone about this, and for helping me with this."

"Of course. You are my friend."

"Your only friend."

"A friend nonetheless."

Light's mother quietly left and went into her room were Soichiro was barely getting to bed. "Soichiro! We have a problem!"

He groaned. "Let Light or L solve it."

Sachiko rushed to him and shook him by his arm. "No! It's _about _Light!"

"Then he can figure it out himself, isn't that why he's a genius?" He yawned. He was too tired to be dealing with a family crisis.

Sachiko rolled her eyes. _This man… _"I think Light has a stalker."

Soichiro didn't look phased and instead rolled over so he wasn't facing his wife. "He'll get used to it. He has to one way or another."

"So you're not gonna do anything?"

"Do you have any proof he's being stalked? Has he been sexually assaulted or anything?"

"I don't know…"

"Then no, I'm not going to do anything. Now let me sleep!"

"But Soichiro, what if Light… Soichiro?" The man was already snoring.

Sachiko shook her head. Time to take matters into her own hands.

Meanwhile, back with Light, the two were looking at a couple of pieces of paper.

"These love letters are really corny." L stated, after he finished reading both of the letters.

"Forget corny, they're creepy! And another thing! He's speaking to me as if I were a girl!" Light yelled indignantly.

L stared at him.

Light glared back at him. "Don't even go there."

L looked back down at the letters. "You walked right into that one."

"Whatever. I just wish Mikami would understand that I don't like him!"

L looked at him, curiously. "And why is that?"

Light fought back a small blush and looked away. "Because I already like someone."

"I am sure you and the guy you like will be very happy together."

Light raised a brow at him. "And what makes you so sure it's a guy?"

L stared at him. "Never mind."

L shrugged. "Again, you walked right into that one."

---

About a week later, Sachiko was dropping Light off at L's house. "You two have fun now, ok?" In the meantime, I'll go have a little chat with this Mikami kid.

"Ok mom, bye!" And Light raced out of the car to L, who was waiting outside his house.

She waved goodbye to them and drove to the park. She had to start looking for that brat somewhere.

And there he was!!

Sachiko stepped out of the car and walked over to Mikami who was just walking through the park.

She walked up to him. "Are you Mikami Teru?"

The boy with glasses raised a brow and took a step back. "Yeah, why? Who are you?"

"Stop stalking my son you creepy little kid!" Sachiko went on saying.

Mikami stared at her.

"You shouldn't be getting into that habit! You will grow up to be hated and possibly killed! Do you have any idea what this could do to someone, mentally and physically??"

Mikami blinked. "I didn't—"

"No! You did! I don't want you touching my little boy! You stay away from him, you hear me?"

Mikami looked a little scared. "But I—"

"Do you hear me?!"

"Yes ma'am!"

"Good! Now run along and we'll pretend this never happened." For a gentle woman, Sachiko was scary as hell when she wanted to be.

Mikami ran away… and fell into a hole in the ground.

"AHHH!!" he screamed.

"… Oops." Sachiko looked around. No witnesses. So she made a dash for her car and drove the hell away from there.

Later, she went to go pick up Light.

Just before Light left L, the former gave him a kiss on the cheek. Both boys blushed and Light ran to the car. Sachiko giggled.

"I don't think Mikami will be a problem for you anymore."

"… Thanks mom?"

---

The molemen gathered around Mikami.

Their leader walked up to him and eyed him carefully. "Hm… what a creepy looking kid."

"Can we eat him?" one of the molemen asked.

"Sure!"

And they ate him.

* * *

**Monkey: Hope you guys liked it! Now onto the next chapter! -Writes-**

Cookee: And the project...?

**Monkey: ... CRAP! **

Cookee: See you later everyone!


	18. A Day at the Library

**Monkey: Still going! Still not owning anything!**

* * *

"This is so boring." Light said as he piled up some books at the table.

L put some books there too. "There is nothing we can do to change that. This assignment is worth a lot of points."

Light rolled his eyes. "Oh please, you know it as well as I do that our grades can take the hit of failing this and still be fine."

"While that is true, if we ace this, we will not have to do the rest of the massive research papers for the rest of the school year." L told him, sitting down in his odd position.

Light sat next to him. "Only reason I'm doing this. But critiques for a history paper? It's so lame!"

"Only if you picked a lame subject to do the paper on."

"Paper? More like packet."

Both boys had a twenty page research paper due at the end of the week. Light had chosen to research the Crusades while L chose to look up Dante.

L sighed. "I will be right back. This book is useless." He picked up said useless book and walked away.

Light shook his head. No internet sources, their teacher had said. What a load of bull.

"Light!!"

Light cringed. He knew that voice! It was… "Mikami?"

"Light!!"

The brunette was tackled-glomped off his chair.

"What a coincidence meeting you here! What are you doing here?" Mikami asked, innocently.

_Coincidence my ass, Light thought, you probably followed me here from my house!! _"I'm working on my English paper. Why are you here?"

Mikami got off him. "Same as you." He looked at the two piles of books. "All of these are yours?"

"No, half of them are L's."

_L! My sworn enemy! I will make Light mine_! "Oh. He's here too?"

"Yeah, I came with him." Light looked back down at his books. Oh he really didn't want to do this.

"What subject did you get?" Mikami asked, hopeful that it would be the same as his.

"The Crusades."

Mikami's face fell. "Oh. I'm doing knighthood."

"Ah."

"What are you doing here?" L asked, right behind the other raven.

Mikami turned around and raised a brow. "What's it to you?"

L took a step towards him and Mikami took one back. "Leave."

"Make me!"

"I will get you permanently banned from any and all libraries across the country if you do not leave my sight this instant."

"Fine!" And Mikami went to the other side of the library.

L looked at Light. Well, he looked at where Light was supposed to be. The books were there but Light was gone.

He later found Light looking up more books.

"I was looking for you." L told him.

"Well sorry, I needed a different book and you and Mikami looked busy."

L gave an involuntary shudder. "Do not say it like that, it makes it sound wrong."

Light rolled his eyes. "Then stop fighting."

He went back to the table.

In the half hour after Mikami showed up, the raven kept going to them, and kept getting them shushed by the librarian.

"I'll be right back, I need to find more critiques on La Chançon de Roland." Light said before getting up and going to find more books.

Damn the day he picked that topic!

As he scanned the bookshelves, Mikami came up to him.

"Hi Light!"

"SHHH!" said the librarian.

Light whispered, "Hi."

"Need any help?"

"No, I think I got it under control."

He reached for a book and instead Mikami pulled it out… which caused a chain reaction that made all the books on that shelf fall.

Light looked at the books on the ground then at the book in Mikami's hand. "You know what? I think I'm good." And he left.

The librarian was pissed.

They cause a racket and drop her books?? Oh hell no!

The same event happened several more times.

It was safe to say that Light stopped looking for more books.

When L was away looking up something or another, Light had decided to go on the internet real quick. What? He needed to find out who the leaders were of the Crusades and he couldn't find them in the books! Besides, it's not like the teacher would know he used the internet for something as little as that.

"Light," Mikami said, coming up behind him.

Light nearly groaned. _Damn! _"Yeah?"

"Light, I have something to tell you."

"SHHH!"

Mikami pulled Light away from the computer. "Noo! I just found the leaders!"

"SHHH!"

Once they were a safe distance away from the librarian from hell and the computer, Mikami turned to Light. "Light, I—"

L happened to see what was going on and to stop whatever pathetic love confession Mikami was going for, he pushed a bookshelf a bit and watched it fall.

"AH!"

The bookshelf fell on Mikami.

The raven groaned from under it. "OW!" He breathed in deeply. "This doesn't matter! Light, I—"

L pushed another bookshelf to land on the one already on top of Mikami and that one finally shut him up.

L decided to add another to the fallen bookshelves for good measure.

"Didn't I tell you—" the librarian saw the bookshelves. "You two!" She pointed to Light and L. L looked innocent and Light looked like he wanted to slam his head against a wall or two. "Out!"

Light sighed and gathered his school stuff along with L. Once they had everything, they left the library. "Way to go, L. you've saved me from Mikami, but you've doomed me from my research paper. Where am I going to find critiques?? I haven't even found the leaders for the Crusades yet!"

L smirked. "I guess this is where I tell you that I have my own personal library, even bigger than this one, just across my mansion."

Light's jaw dropped. "You ass! Then why'd we come all the way here?"

"Publicity. I need to show off my cute boyfriend."

Light rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Just, just stay away from any bookshelves."

Back at the library, Mikami's ghost appeared just as the librarian was picking things up.

She saw him and screamed, then feel unconscious. She never shushed anyone again.

* * *

**Monkey: Thank you XxKat-OF-ShadowsxX for the idea!**

Cookee: Only two more chapters left.

**Monkey: Thank God! Cuz I need to work on my project! Dx**

Cookee: You brought this upon yourself. See you later everyone!


	19. Guardian Vampire

**Monkey: Only one more chapter to go!**

* * *

"L, how many times do I have to tell you not to sneak out?" Watari scolded gently.

The raven bit his thumb. "I know, I am sorry."

Watari watched him for a bit. "You keep sneaking out, why? Are you meeting with someone?"

L gave a small sigh. "I wish. He does not know me."

"He? L, are you in love?"

L didn't answer.

"I see." Watari looked around for a bit, then smiled. "You have my blessings. You don't have to keep sneaking out, you can just ask me."

L smiled. "Thank you, Watari."

The younger man walked out of the room.

Watari sighed. "I hope that poor boy you're in love with is ready for you."

---

"Light! Light! Look! This is the guy that saved me last week!" Mello said happily, as he dragged along a raven.

Light looked up from the chess game he was playing with Near at the park and stared at the raven Mello was with. "Thank you so much."

The raven nodded. "It was nothing."

"Nothing?? What do you mean nothing?? I could've died!" Mello exclaimed. The ten year old was in shock. Did that heroic act mean nothing??

"That would've been better for us." Near mumbled.

"Why you little brat!" Mello lunged for the eight year old.

Matt was busy with his video game and didn't bother trying to hold back Mello since Light was there.

But it wasn't Light that held Mello back. L held him back easily.

The day before, L had saved Mello from getting hit by a car. But he had disappeared before Light got a chance to see his face. That day, L was so busy admiring Light from afar that he didn't see the blonde come up to him and drag him to Light to introduce him to his hero.

Light chuckled. "Thank you, again. I don't know what I would've done if Mello had been killed."

"Thrown a party," Near said.

"I'll kill you!" Mello lunged again. But L's grip was strong.

L looked at Light curiously. "Are they your brothers?"

Light nodded. "We're all adopted, and when our adoptive parents died, I took custody of all of them."

L smiled. "That was very kind of you."

Light looked at the kids fondly. "They are my family." He thought for a bit. "Oh! I didn't even tell you my name. I'm Light."

"Pleasure to meet you, I am L."

"That's an interesting name."

L shrugged. "I am told it suits."

Light smiled.

"Light, Matt fell asleep again." Near said, pointing to the redhead who was currently dying in his video game.

Light shook his head. "Alright you guys, I think it's time to go home."

He stood up and began putting away the chess game. When he finished, he looked back at L. "I'll see you later?"

L nodded. "Of course."

Something about him made Light smile.

Mello poked Light. "Light, Matt's playing in his sleep again! It's creeping me out!"

"Ok, ok, let's go home." He woke Matt up and the four left.

L smiled. He had actually talked to Light. Now all that was left was to wait for Light to return his feelings.

"That's one hot human." A voice said behind L.

L rolled his eyes. "Back off."

"Ooh, because you saw him first, you get him? I don't think so."

L turned to look at him. "Mikami, I mean it. Do not do anything stupid."

"Hmph." Mikami crossed his arms over his chest. "I'll do what I want." And he left.

Poor Light, he had no idea what he had started.

---

Over the next several days, any near death experience Light had was stopped by L.

It was amazing! It was as if he had superpowers or something!

_If only he knew that I am a vampire… _L thought, as he helped Light to his feet.

"Thank you, again. You seem to be saving me a lot." Light smiled.

L shrugged. "I just happen to be at the right place at the right time."

Light was about to say something, when his cell phone rang. He answered it. "Hello?"

"Light!!" Mello, Matt and Near all exclaimed at once. "Some bozo kidnapped us!!"

"Shut up! I'm not a bozo! I'm Mikami Teru, greatest vampire around!" some guy said in the background. The three kids stared at him before shouting back into the phone, "LIGHT! SOME BOZO KIDNAPPED US!"

"Ok, where are you guys and what does the kidnapper want?"

L raised a brow. Mikami had kidnapped the kids? He was just asking to get his ass kicked! Did he really think Light would come running into his arms for kidnapping his brothers??

"We're at… where are we at?" Mello asked.

Light shook his head. Even when kidnapped those kids never paid attention to anything!

"We're at an abandoned warehouse!"

"How cliché," Light commented.

"What?"

"Nothing. How will I find you??"

"Find us? Call the police!!" Mello said to him.

Light stared at his phone. "And you couldn't have called the police?"

"…" Mello came up with something. "We wanted to call our brother first!"

Light raked a hand through his hair. "Alright, I'll see what I can do."

And they hung up.

He looked up at L. "L, I'm sorry, but I really have to go."

L thought for a bit. "I can take you to where they are."

Light's face brightened up. "Really? How?"

L took his hand and blurred.

The next thing Light saw was an abandoned warehouse with screaming coming from the inside.

Seriously, where were the authorities in times like this??

Light looked a little dazed. "How did you…?"

L smiled. "Vampire."

Light held his head. "… Of course. Come on!"

When they stepped inside, it seemed they hadn't been needed.

"LIGHT!" the kids yelled out when they saw their brother.

Light and L stared at Mikami's dead body.

"H-how did you…?" Light asked.

Mello pointed to the sign above their heads. "This idiot brought us to an old weapon factory."

"I am still alive!" Mikami said, reaching out towards them.

"AHH!" freaking out, the kids each grabbed a weapon and plunged it into Mikami.

"Oh shut up and die already!" Mello exclaimed.

"Greatest vampire in the world my ass." L muttered, shaking his head at the pathetic excuse for a vampire before them.

Light laughed sheepishly.

The kids rolled their eyes. "Vampires aren't real."

"You are right, they are not." L said. The kids hugged Light and ran outside.

Light turned to look at L. "They're not, huh?" He smiled.

"Our little secret." He gave Light a kiss before blurring away into the night, leaving Mikami's dead body there to rot with hundreds of weapons sticking out of him.

Light walked outside and met up with the kids.

"Hey, where did L go?" They asked.

"Oh you know, here and there." Light replied, leading them back home.

Once the three kids were far enough ahead, Light looked back and smiled. He could feel L watching him. He had to admit, he was interested.

If only he knew the chaos that would ensue if he went with L.

"Light! Mello threw my psp into the sewers!!" Matt yelled.

Well, it couldn't be worse than the chaos he already lived in, could it?

* * *

**Monkey: My God! Writing all these chapters in one day is killing me! X.x**

Cookee: Look at it this way, you're almost done.

**Monkey: Hell yeah! Oh, and I know, I know, vamp stories are so clichéd, yeah well, I already wrote it xD And if any of you find similarities with Twilight, I'll tell you right now that I've never read the book or seen the movie xD**

Cookee: See you later everyone!


	20. Light's Turn and all Hell Breaks Loose

**Monkey: Finally! The last chapter! I own nothing!**

* * *

Ding Dong

"Hi Light—"

Slam.

Ding Dong.

"Hi Light—"

Slam.

Light leaned against the door. Why was Mikami so persistent?? Didn't he understand that no meant no?!

"Light, who was at the door?" L asked.

Light sighed. "No one important." He walked out of the living room and went up the stairs.

L opened the door.

"You're not Light!" Mikami exclaimed.

L slammed the door shut in his face anyway.

"Hey kids! You guys want to go beat up someone for me?" L called out.

Matt, Mello and Near chased Mikami down the street with bats full of nails.

---

L found Light in their room. "Light, are you having a problem with Mikami?"

"No, it's fine, I can handle it."

"I can go kick his ass for you if you want," L offered.

"I said it's fine." Light stood up and made to walk out the room.

"Light, are you alright?"

"Yes! I'm fine!" Light snapped. He walked out of the room and passed the kids along the way.

"Oooh, Daddy's pissy," they sang. "Dad, what'd you do?"

"Hell if I know."

---

Ring Ring

Light picked up. "Hi Light—"

Light hung up.

Ring Ring

"Hi Light—"

Click.

Oh his day just kept getting better and better.

Near walked up to him and pulled his pant leg to get his attention. "Daddy, what did Dad do?"

Light sighed. "Nothing. It wasn't him. It's just… nothing. Never mind."

He walked out of the room.

Near watched him leave. "And he wonders why this family is dysfunctional."

---

They all went to the movies, and Mikami was there.

Light and L dropped the kids off at home and went to a casino. Guess who was there?

Light felt his eye twitch when he saw the raven. "That's it, we're outta here."

"Aw, but I am winning," L whined.

"Now!"

"Fine." L cashed in his winnings and they left before Mikami could get them.

---

Light felt a headache come on. He'd been having a bad day that day and he was hoping for some rest at home.

All of a sudden, someone put a cloth over his face and Light felt his world go dark.

Light woke up some time later and felt some rope tied around his arms and legs. "I've been kidnapped and taken to my own house?!" He said when he recognized his surroundings.

Mikami stepped out of the shadows. "You keep rejecting me, Light! But not this time! We're all alone here, and I get to have you all to myself!"

_Well at least I'm not tied to the bed and naked_, Light thought. _What to do, what to do… oh right_. "AH! HELP!!"

As if on cue, L and the kids came home.

"HELP!"

L raced up the stairs upon hearing Light's yell.

The kids followed and they opened the door to L and Light's room to see… Mikami trying to molest Light.

"Get off of Light!" L said before grabbing the back of his shirt and throwing him off of the brunette. The kids went up to their father and helped untie him.

3...

"He will be mine! I swear it!" Mikami exclaimed, getting up off the ground.

2...

"Good luck trying, asshole! Light is mine!"

"We'll see about that!"

1...

"You tried to rape him! You think he'll love you now?!" L asked as the two stepped closer to each other, looking like they were in a death match.

"THAT'S IT!!!!!" Light yelled out, something in him finally cracking.

He pulled out a gun from hell knows where and aimed it at Mikami. "I'll kill you!!"

Mikami's jaw dropped. "What?? Why?! I thought you loved me!!"

"HELL NO!! And why? WHY?! You tried to rape me and you have the balls to ask why?! I feel as though you've been stalking me for thirty lifetimes!! I hate you, that's why!!!" Light made sure the kids were out of harm's way before aiming at Mikami again.

The raven let out a girlish scream then ran out of the room.

Oh but Light wasn't going to let him get away that easily. He chased him down. All around the house they went, Light not firing until he was positive the shot would be fatal.

BAM!

"Muahahahaha! I've killed the biggest nuisance in my life at last!!" Light exclaimed in triumph.

"Yup, Daddy's on crack." Mello stated. "But, as long as he gets to do it…"

He led the kids out of the room and they all caused a rampage.

Matt and Mello ran outside and began to tip over some cars, shoot people, and just generally cause mass hysteria.

Near stayed at home and simply stabbed Mikami's dead body with his dart over and over again.

Light went outside with the kids and began shooting random people, showing that he had officially gone insane.

L watched them, having gone outside himself to see the chaos unfold. He sighed. "Well, they may be insane, but they are still my fami—HEY! Drop that jar of cookies!!!"

* * *

**Monkey: So Light finally had a shot at him xD Anyone catch what that thirty lifetimes meant? Ten Ways plus Another Twenty equals thirty xD**

Cookee: You actually finished this.

**Monkey: Yeah, but because I wrote four chapters in one day, they all seem rushed. .**

Cookee: At least you've gotten it over with.

**Monkey: HELL YEAH! Thank you to all of you that favorite/alerted/reviewed this story! You guys are awesome!!!**

Cookee: See you in another story everyone!


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